My Review of Thirteen Ghosts (2001)

 

Written by Neal Marshall Stevens And Richard D'Ovidio And Robb White

Directed by Steve Beck

Dennis: "Did I say there's a petting zoo downstairs? No! There are ghosts downstairs, Arthur!"

Yesterday I reviewed the much better 13 Ghosts (1960), so today it's the turn of the much inferior remake from 2001. Make no mistake, this one verged on being a right stinker.

Opening with the seeming death of ghost hunter Cyrus Kriticos (F. Murray Abraham) during a junkyard mission gone wrong. For Cyrus's assistant, Dennis Rafkin (Matthew Lillard), his mission went awry and most of his team were killed.

That was the opening scene. From that point onwards, there was a focus on Cyrus's nephew, Arthur (Tony Shalhoub), his children Kathy (Shannon Elizabeth) and Bobby (Alec Roberts) and the housekeeper, Maggie Bess (Rah Digga). Arthur's a widower and the loss was still pretty raw for him.

Inheriting his uncle's house from the lawyer, Ben Moss (JR Bourne) put him in a position where he'd be confronted by the exact number of ghosts as the movie's title. There's a machine that needed thirteen ghosts and it turned out that someone wasn't dead after all.

Uncle Cyrus and his partner, Kalina Oretzia (Embeth Davidtz) were determined to get a family sacrifice in order to activate the machine and access a powerful device and it almost worked as well. If only Arthur hadn't figured out how to be a better father and thus foiling Cyrus's great scheme.

Unlike the 1960 version where some of the characters were a bit more likable, this version had characters who were either bland or annoying or both. I can't think of a single I liked in this one at all.

- The ghosts varied from a First Born Son, a Torso, a Bound Woman, Withered Lover (Jean), an Angry Princess and a Torned Prince to name a few.

- James Gunn apparently did some uncredited rewrites on this film. It's definitely not his best work.

- Standout music: Tricky's Excess.

- Chronology: Arthur had been a widower for a while. Jean had died in a house fire.

This was a largely dire remake from the early 2000s. Thirteen Ghosts straight up just sucks when you compare it to the 1960 version. I almost regret bothering with this one. It's not worth your time.

Rating: 4 out of 10