My Review of Jaws 3-D (1983)

 

Written by Richard Matheson And Carl Gottlieb And Guerdon Trueblood

Directed by Joe Alves

Mike: "White sharks are dangerous. I know 'em. My father, my brother, myself. They're murderers."

It's usually around this time in a horror, there's an attempt to switch up the leading protagonist. This film ditched Martin Brody (kind of) and instead moved the focus on to his oldest son, Michael (Dennis Quaid).

Michael's older than we last seen him and he's got a girlfriend named Kathryn "Kay" Morgan (Bess Armstrong). Both of them are working at SeaWorld Orlando and once again, the great white shark would present itself as a major problem.

This time around you've got some cute dolphins also chucked into the mix but the mama shark who's not happy with the treatment of her baby was the star attraction. Those human really don't learn a damn thing, huh?

It's a sprawling and messy third outing with Michael and Kay as the main heroes of the piece. There's also the return of Sean (John Putch) and his girlfriend, Kelly Ann Bukowski (Lea Thompson), making up a younger group of protagonists compared to the first movie.

There's a few decent kills throughout the film, particularly with characters like Overman (Harry Grant) and FitzRoyce (Simon MacCorkindale). Once again, the shark got a rather explosive ending, finishing this film on a bloody note.

- The studio forced the inclusion of both Mike and Sean, which the writer thought was dumb. 

- I have to laugh at Roy Scheider making himself unavailable to be a part of this movie. He made the right call there.

- This was in an early cycle of 1980s movie to use 3D technology.

- Chronology: A few years since the events of the second movie and set in Orlando.

Jaws 3-D isn't a good movie. It's pretty trashy and most of the cast do look like they'd rather be anywhere else. There's a few entertaining moments but not many to save it.

Rating: 5 out of 10 

My Review of Diamonds Are Forever (1971)

 

Written by Richard Maibaum And Tom Mankiewicz

Directed by Guy Hamilton 

Blofeld: "Right idea, Mr. Bond..."

James Bond: "...But wrong pussy."

After a taste of a different Bond, we're back to Sean Connery for his penultimate take in the role and it's a rather vengeful version of the character.

Already I love the fact that the events of On Her Majesty's Secret Service formed the spine of this film. Tracy's death did a number on James and he was determined to make Blofeld (Charles Gray) pay for it. 

Of course given the title of this movie, diamonds were also a big thing here. There's a mission that involved Bond impersonating a diamond smuggler to infiltrate a smuggling ring. Blofeld also wanted diamond to build a space based laser weapon.

There's a genuinely funny in the film where Bond managed to convince others that he himself had killed James Bond. It's one of the best moments. There's also a plot involving Blofeld lookalikes in which James killed one of them. That was also particularly daft to watch.

Blofeld in these movies has increasingly become a great thorn in James's side and their confrontation here had a nice sense of finality. Was this genuinely the end for Blofeld? It certainly appeared to be. As a villain he had a good run of film and multiple actors playing him. This was probably the best time to take the character out of the equation.

As for the Bond girls, there's diamond smuggler Tiffany Case (Jill St. John) and Plenty O'Toole (Lana Wood). The latter's only memorable moments was landing in the pool while the former was a bad girl that sort of reformed while having to ally herself with Bond. After Tracy, I don't think either stood out as well as they could've.

- Again there's some good supporting moments from both Felix and Moneypenny in this movie. Bond also got his backside handed to him by Bambi and Thumper.

- Charles Gray previously played Henderson in You Only Live Twice.

- Standout music: Shirley Bassey's Diamonds Are Forever.

- Chronology: Las Vegas and California for most of the film.

Diamonds Are Forever was an enjoyable follow up to the previous film and marked a good ending to one of his most enduring enemies. It's also got one of the best theme tunes from the entire franchise.

Rating: 8 out of 10 

My Review of Hitchcock (2012)

 

Written by John J. McLaughlin

Directed by Sacha Gervasi 

Alfred: "I will never find a Hitchcock blonde as beautiful as you."

Alma: "Oh, Hitch. I've waited thirty years to hear you say that."

Alfred: "And that my dear, is why they call me the Master of Suspense."

Last year when I was watching Monster: The Ed Gein Story, I had some mixed feelings on the handling of the Psycho side of things. I also knew that I needed to watch this particular movie. That's what I got around to the other day.

This movie could be split into three different stories. There's the making of a certain movie by Alfred Hitchcock (Anthony Hopkins) and everything that came with it. Then there's also Hitchcock's marriage to Alma Revelle (Helen Mirren) and an exploration into his fixation on younger blonde leading ladies.

In priority, let's go with the production of Psycho first. The studio wanted another North By Northwest but Alfred wanted to make something that would shock the audience, even if he had to make certain sacrifices in order to get it done.

There's a look into some of his casting choices like Anthony Perkins (James D'Arcy), Janet Leigh (Scarlett Johansson), Vera Miles (Jessica Biel) and John Gavin (Josh Yeo). Oddly enough, Anthony's the least focused in that group of actors as the focus pivoted more towards Janet and Vera.

It's no secret that Hitchcock could be a menace to his leading ladies and I definitely like this movie attempted to address this but in a way that didn't add much to it. He's kind enough to Janet but he also admitted to derailing Vera because the latter became a mother.

The strongest aspect of the movie was anything involving Hitchcock's marriage to Alma. It's briefly threatened by her friendship with writer Whitfield Cook (Danny Huston) but they had an enduring marriage and thematically, it's the spine of this film. 

- Hitchcock had visions of Ed Gein (Michael Wincott) throughout the film. Ed's murder of his brother was the opening scene.

- Anthony's homosexuality (and Norman Bates being queer) and his own mommy issues were mentioned. Anthony also alluded to both Rope and Strangers On A Train.

- Standout music: Charles Gounod's Funeral March Of A Marionette.

- Chronology: It's set during the production and premiere of Psycho.

Hitchcock (2012) did lose points for not really giving a certain aspect the focus it needed. Overall, it's a strong look into the legendary director and his most infamous of works. Both Anthony Hopkins and Helen Mirren are fantastic.

Rating: 7 out of 10 

My Review of Jaws 2 (1978)

 

Written by Carl Gottlieb And Howard Sackler

Directed by Jeannot Szwarc

Martin Brody (to the shark): "All right, you big bastard! Come On! I've got something for ya' now! That's it! Attaboy, come one! Right over here! Open wide OPEN WIDE! SAY AAH!"

Now this and the next two movies are first time watches for me. Jaws becoming so popular it spawned threw bloody sequels. Are they any good? Not by reputation apparently but this first sequel was a decent attempt.

The film opened with the wreckage of the Orca and within a few minutes, two scuba divers ended up being killed. It's a good way to start the movie as of course, there would be another great white shark to cause havoc yet again.

Now, what about Martin Brody (Roy Scheider)? He was the hero of the previous movie but in this one, he's a source of ire for the incompetent mayor (Murray Hamilton) and lost his job to a younger colleague in Deputy Hendricks (Jeffrey Kramer). Oh and then there's his family too.

While his wife Ellen (Lorraine Grey) was supportive, his sons were definitely a source of frustration. Both Mike (Mark Gunnar) and Sean (Marc Gilpin) were both drawn to the water and both ended up nearly being shark fodder.

The third act was where things got interesting. It's not quite as impacting as the first time but it's still effective. The shark got some victims, there's a few tense moments and of course, another grisly shark death.

- The most memorable aspect was the tagline "just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water".

- Roy Scheider returned for this movie after leaving The Deer Hunter and not wanting to incur any further studio wrath.

- Standout music: Tony Hatch's Downtown.

- Chronology: Four years since the events of the first movie.

Jaws 2 turned out to be an okay sequel. It did rethread similar ground to the first one with the events of that also driving the narrative home. I didn't find it objectionable.

Rating: 6 out of 10

My Review of Jaws (1975)

 

Written by Peter Benchley And Carl Gottlieb

Directed by Steven Spielberg 

Brody: "You're gonna need a bigger boat."

Look, so far this year, I've watched at least two straight to streaming shark themed movies. For obvious reasons, it's madee go back to this particular movie. A movie, I should point out that I've ever watched once in my life and a very long, long time ago.

One of the most iconic movies ever and one of Steven Spielberg's most seminal of works. It's also pretty damn straightforward too. A local seaside town. One great white shark. Throw in a very flawed hero and you've got a movie classic.

The flawed hero being police chief Martin Brody (Rob Scheider). It was his responsibility to protect his town from the man eating shark and it was a task that he wasn't entirely up to. People died and it took getting slapped by a grieving woman to make him step to saving the town from that troublesome shark.

At least on that front, Brody teamed up with marine biologist Hooper (Richard Dreyfuss) and a professional shark hunter Quint (Robert Shaw) to actually try to stop the shark. Throw in some group tension, chum and World War II stories and you've got one hell of a team up.

I did like the rapport between Brody, Quint and Hooper as they did their best to actually solve the great shark problem of the movie. It's amazing how simple the sheer tension and horror in trying to take one shark out can be.

The shark itself might not look too terrifying for a modern audience but the way it's shot certainly helped convinced it's effectiveness. There's a few more deaths before one incredibly explosive ending.

- The film was based on Peter Benchley's 1974 book of the same name.

- Three sequels released between 1978-1987 emerged as a result of the success of this film.

- Standout music: Irving King's Show Me The Way To Go Home and of course that score music choice during a certain scene.

- Chronology: Set in the beach town of Amity Island, New England.

Over half a century later and yes, Jaws (1975) absolutely and most definitely holds up as a nautical themed horror fest. It's so simple but effective in it's in terror. I guess I better watch those sequels now.

Rating: 8 out of 10 

My Review of Lanterns: "Lights Out"

 

Written by Justin Britt-Gibson 

Directed by Geeta Vasant Patel

Hal (to John): "You were never gonna replace me, Junior. Here endeth your training."

This episode would be what is known as a fucking game changer. If you were hoping for the show to finally get out of 2026, then you're going to be very pleased with what went down here.

First of all, major fucking props need to be given to Poorna Jagannathan. On paper, Zoe appeared to be the generic love interest but having her as a rogue Manhunter that had both William and Kerry under her control as well as John. Yup, she truly stepped up as a baddie in this one.

The backstory she had with Kerry was a brilliant reveal. Kerry knew all along that Zoe was the Manhunter but said nothing. She's a damn sight better at lying than expected. I also got William so wrong. He was so devoted to Zoe that he allowed Antaan to practically kill him.

Of course, as clever as Zoe was, her downfall was always going to come in the shape of Hal Jordan. That man will not go down without a fight and Zoe's attempts to turn John against him pretty much backfired. She did come close enough though, considering that massive scrap we got between John and Hal in the motel.

However when it became clear that her plan failed, Zoe seemed surprisingly calm about John killing her. She didn't even try to stop him, which I found really odd. Thus endeth the Manhunter segment of the season, I presume. Well, the 2016 aspect at least.

John ultimately rejecting the ring after nearly killing Hal for it was another shocking moment. Even Lianna looked shocked when John turned it down. For comic book fans, I could see why that would've annoyed them but dramatically, it was a fucking brilliant way to end the episode. I was shook with that scene.

- Kerry had a criminal backstory when she arrived in Rushville. Zoe cut Kerry's pinky to bail her out but also helped to regrow another. She also healed John's very burnt skin.

- Zoe genuinely seemed to care about Noah and she also killed Abin Sur. Is Billy the only adult in that family who didn't know Zoe was a Manhunter?

- I'm probably reaching here but did Hal admit to being bisexual during that conversation with Antaan? Probably not.

- Once again, John's parents were relegated to an off screen phone call.

- Standout music: Away From Home (Rushville's Lament) by Ari Mason and Wayne Ingram.

- Chronology: Kerry arrived in Rushville in 2007. This episode culminated the events of 2016.

Lights Out hit a season high and probably could've been a finale in its own right. Those final three episodes are seriously gonna have to work overtime to match this superb outing.

Rating: 9 out of 10 

My Review of On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969)

 

Written by Richard Maibaum And Simon Raven

Directed by Peter R. Hunt

James Bond (re Tracy): "It's all right. It's quite all right, really. She's having a rest. We'll be going on soon. There's no hurry, you see. We have all the time in the world."

If things had played out much differently, this would've been the start of a slew of James Bond movies with George Lazenby in the title role. Instead, it's a one and done deal and I'm going to say something controversial - I really love this movie. 

As much as I enjoyed Sean Connery in the role (and there's two more films with him to get to), I actually do think that George Lazenby was a worthy successor. As far as I'm concerned, he doesn't put a foot wrong here.

This was a version of Bond that upped his womanising ways when he went undercover in an environment where that wasn't his best course of action. He's also a Bond who just happened to get married to a woman who could easily match him.

The woman in question was Contessa Teresa di Vicenzo (Diana Rigg) or Tracy as she was mostly referred to in this one. There's something rather romcom like with James and Tracy, coupled with some slapstick humour, actual slapping and a father named Marc-Ange Draco (Gabriele Ferzetti) who desperately wanted James for a son in law. James wanted Blofeld (Tell.y Savalas). By the end of this film, he'd want Blofeld even more.

Putting most of the action in a retreat in Switzerland during the Christmas season was a brilliant idea. James got surrounded by beautiful women named the Angels of Death. Those women were of course sleeper agents for Blofeld's latest scheme. That didn't stop James from sleeping with the likes of Ruby (Angela Scoular) and Nancy (Catherina von Schell) as well as scuppering Blofeld's plans.

Then there's the wedding of James and Tracy. It's a beautiful affair, also bittersweet in the way Moneypenny herself quietly reacted to the day. Tracy's death at the end by Irma Bunt (Ilse Steppat) was genuinely heartbreaking to watch with James's solemn breakdown making it all the more effective.

- Did some of the women/Angels of Death really assume Sir Hilary Bray (George Baker) was gay? Bond impersonated him for that assignment.

- Joanna Lumley appeared as an Englishwoman for Blofeld's Angels of Death. All of them were of different nationalities.

- Standout music: John Barry's We Have All The Time In The World.

- Chronology: London, Switzerland and Portugal all factored in this film as did Christmas.

On Her Majesty's Secret Service to me might be one of the best James Bond movies ever made. It's almost one of the most heartbreaking with a beautifully depicted doomed love between James and Tracy. George Lazenby definitely deserves more praise for this film as does Diana Rigg.

Rating: 9 out of 10 

My Review of The Devil's Mouth (2026)

 

Written by Aja Gabel And Myung Joh Wesner

Directed by Jeff Wadlow

Sara: "I'm not afraid of water, just what might be in it."

2026 seems to be the year for straight to streaming shark related movies. A couple of months I found Netflix's Thrash somewhat entertaining and Amazon Prime also got into the spirit of the idea for this mid summer release.

Take five friends - Sara (Kathryn Newton), Max (Lana Condor), Adrianne (Tommi Rose), Greg (Gavin Casalegno) and James (Nico Hiraga). Then bring them to Thailand for a graduation trip before they embark on the big world separately and you've got a disaster that was about to unfold.

Sara's great idea for a bonding experience was trip to a water cave known as the Devil's Mouth that her father once experienced. In that particular, the gang and their unfortunate guide, Wat (Tayme Thapthimthong) would have the experience from hell. For water that was meant to be unoccupied, there was a ravenous bull shark in the mix.

Sara and her friends got thrown into this horrible scenario before the film hit it's halfway mark. The rest of the film was various friends (and Wat) being picked off, one by one. There was also plenty of group fighting and friendships/relationships being deconstructed at the worst possible time.

For a moment, it did look like both Sara and Max were going to share the final girl title. Sara and Max's friendship really got put under the microscope. Did the two of them even really like each other? Did they both really want to be in each others lives, post graduation? I do think had Max survived, maybe we would've gotten a definite answer with those questions.

Sara being the sole survivor was hardly a shocker. She's the closest to a developed character in a movie that's paper thin on development. I will say that Kathryn Newton has been building a solid horror career and there's something satisfying in that final moment when Sara got herself out of the cave to freedom.

- Sara literally got left in the water by her friends early in the film and stung by a lot of jellyfish. That should've killed her.

- Sara was the only singleton among her friendship. There was a brief flirtation with another guide but it led nowhere.

- Standout music: Courtship's Warm Waters.

- Chronology: The whole movie's set in present day Thailand.

The Devil's Mouth is a diverting enough tale of watery doom with a hungry shark on the prowl. It's nothing to get too excited over but a solid performance from the cast keeps it moving along nicely.

Rating: 6 out of 10 

My Review of Shattered (2022)

 

Written by David Loughery

Directed by Luis Prieto

Sky (re Sebastian): "Don't tell him I said so, but he's not half the lover you are."

Chris: "Every word that comes out of your mouth is a lie."

I'm going to take something of an educated guess and assume that movies like Misery (1990) and Knock Knock (2015) might have had something of an influence behind this tepid thriller of sorts. Also, you're being asked to sympathise with a tech billionaire, which even back in 2022 might have been asking a lot.

The billionaire in question was a man named Chris Decker and he's played by Cameron Monaghan. Between Shameless and Gotham, it's kind of a shame that Cameron Monaghan hasn't really popped off onto bigger things as an actor. 

In this movie alone, he's combating a paper thin protagonist role, an isolated location, an ex-wife and daughter and some rather dull villains with basic motivations. None of these things are particularly executed well.

Anyways, the movie wanted me to believe that Chris was a nice guy by having him help out the mysterious, Sky (Lilly Krug). Sky's clearly a nutcase before the inevitable reveal of being one and Chris found himself at her mercy following an injury that left him in a wheelchair.

Sky was actively stalking Chris along with her creepy stepdad Sebastian (Frank Grillo). Their plan was to basically rob Chris of his money and then kill him. They weren't above cutting his thumb off to get his print either.

The obstacle to their plan however turned out to be Chris's soon to be ex-wife, Jamie (Sasha Luss) and daughter, Willow (Ridley Bateman). Without the both of them, Chris would've been a destitute dead man from two absolute losers like Sky and Sebastian. Fortunately, both of them got their just desserts.

- John Malkovich and Ash Santos had supporting roles as Sky's landlord Ronald and lover/roommate Lisa respectively.

- Chris's app that made him into a billionaire was a security program called Watchdog.

- I had to laugh at Ronald wanting to steal one of Chris's paintings instead of trying to rescue him. 

- Chronology: Set in an isolated enough location over a few days. The movie was filmed in Montana.

Shattered (2022) turned out to be a pretty dull affair that wasted some of its cast. There's a good idea in there but it's executed poorly. Cameron Monaghan did his best with what he was given to work with but not enough to salvage this one.

Rating: 5 out of 10 

My Review of You Only Live Twice (1967)

 

Written by Roald Dahl

Directed by Lewis Gilbert 

James Bond: "Oh the things I do for England."

I'm nearing the end of the Sean Connery era of James Bond and after a few brief appearances in other movies, a certain someone decided to make his presence felt. That and his very white cat.

I'm of course talking about Ernst Stravro Blofeld (Donald Pleasance). Yup, this film very much had him as SPECTRE's main villain and he got some rather delightful scenes with James Bond himself.

Arguably some of the best villain scenes were with Blofeld and Bond. Blofeld was hired to help start a Soviet-American war and he came rather close to succeeding. Blofeld also tried to have Bond killed at the start and then punished those who failed to do so. Alas, poor Helga Brandt (Karin Dor). She was piranha food.

Did Blofeld overall win in his endeavours? Of course not but he did live to see another day compared to past antagonists and again, I have to commend Donald Pleasance's performance throughout this film. He's just brilliantly pitted against Sean Connery.

As for the women in Bond's life, this time we had Kissy Suzuki (Mie Hama). She actually got to marry James as part of an undercover storyline but she very much matched him throughout. Perhaps one of the more underrated of Bond women in this franchise.

There's also the Japanese secret service themselves who aided James Bond in this film. I quite liked the character of Tiger Tanaka (Tetsurō Tamba). He served as both a strong ally and slight foil to Bond and his scenes were a delight to watch.

- George Lazenby would step in for the next movie On Her Majesty's Secret Service but Sean Connery would reprise the role for Diamonds Are Forever.

- James was also sleeping with doomed agent Aki (Akiko Wakabayashi) before her death. We got some scenes with M, Moneypenny and Felix and pointed comments about James's smoking.

- Standout music: John Barry's You Only Live Twice.

- Chronology: Mostly set in Tokyo after Bond faked his death in Hong Kong. 

You Only Live Twice had James forge a married life of chaos and finally had Blofeld front and centre as a villain. I'm also shocked this film's screenplay came from Roald Dahl to boot. Great stuff.

Rating: 7 out of 10 

My Review of Poltergeist (1982)

 

Written by Steven Spielberg And Michael Grais And Mark Victor

Directed by Tobe Hopper

Carol Anne: "They're here."

There are still classic horror series that I have yet to cover for this blog. This was a movie that yet again, I've seen several times but never got around to reviewing for here. Until now of course.

Haunting movies are no more iconic than this one with the focus being on an ordinary family terrorised by restless spirits in their home. The family being Steven (Craig T. Nelson) and Diane Freeling (JoBeth Williams) and their children, Carol Anne (Heather O'Rourke), Robbie (Oliver Robin) and Dana (Dominique Dunne).

The focus was mostly on youngest child, Carol Anne. She was communicating with a static television and both her and Diane went into denial mode when the chairs stacked themselves on the kitchen table. Then Carol Anne went missing.

In fact, it was the ghosts who had taken her into a portal inside the closet. For a good chunk of the movie, you had both Steven and Diane at their wits end trying to get Carol Anne back. This brought in a slew of experts to help out the distressed family.

The most memorable of all these experts was of course Zelda Rubenstein's Tangina Barrows. She's the most helpful of the bunch, succeeding in actually getting Carol Anne back to her family. Rubenstein's performance was also the one that stood out the most in the film.

As for the rest of the movie, it's still great but somewhat meandered a bit. There's a few moments in the film where it could've ended but it kind of went on just to further highlight how dangers the spirits of that particular house were. 

- Some of the scenes included the hurricane sequence and that face removal one.

- There's two sequels and a remake that came out in 1986, 1988 and 2013 respectively.

- Standout music: The eerie use of The Star Spangled Banner.

- Chronology: Set in the planned community of Cuesta Verde, California.

Poltergeist (1982) definitely deserves it's plaudits as a movie and it's definitely a defining piece of 1980s cinema. It does lag a bit in the third act but overall, it's a favourite.

Rating: 8 out of 10 

My Review of House Of Wax (2005)

 

Written by Chad Hayes And Carey W. Hayes

Directed by Jaume Collet-Serrra

Carly: "Please don't kill me."

This remake was released over twenty years ago and it's only in the last week that I've actually watched the bloody thing. This isn't one of those movies that I wished I had watched sooner but it's not a regret watch either.

It's also a reminder that this cast were a mixed bunch. Chad Murray Michael was on One Tree Hill while Elisha Cuthbert was largely known for 24. It would be a few months before Jared Padalecki would step into the world of Supernatural and Paris Hilton was one of the biggest reality TV stars of the 2000s.

On paper, I can see why these people were selected to make up the principle cast for this remake. Cuthbert was the heroine of the piece, Carly Jones while Murray played her feckless brother, Nick and Padalecki was her nice enough boyfriend, Wade Felton.

Hilton herself was the best friend character, Paige Edwards who ended up getting pregnant by her own boyfriend, Blake Johnson (Robert Ri'chard). Needless to say that the majority of this group don't make it out of the alive and are subjected to genuinely deaths involving wax. Wade's fate in particular was horrifying to watch.

A large portion of this movie was about Carly and Nick's relationship. They were both at odds with one another but as their friends were getting gruesomely killed off by a rather creepy family, led by Bo and Vincent Sinclair (Brian Van Holt).

Both Bo and Vincent took great delight in terrorising Carly and her friends as well as the not very helpful Dalton Chapman (Jon Abrahams). There's a rather fiery final showdown, the death of a sibling duo and an ending that confirmed a family lineage lived on. No e of which will really shock anyone.

- There was another Sinclair. Lester (Damon Herriman) made it out of the film alive. The Sinclairs had a disturbing flashback at the start of the film.

- Although it's a remake, there's no real connection to the 1953 version of the movie.

- Standout music: The Prodigy/Juliette Lewis's Spitfire and Joy Division's New Dawn Fades.

- Chronology: Set in the 2000s itself.

House Of Wax (2005) might be in the middle ground of 2000s remakes of classic horror movies. It's not a horrible remake (cast are fine, gory scenes do land and so on) but it's not a great one either. Mostly mediocre.

Rating: 6 out of 10