My Review of Ice Cream Man (2026)

 

Written by Eli Roth And Noah Belson

Directed by Eli Roth

The kids: "I scream, you scream. We all scream for ice cream."

I'll admit that going into this review that I've never watched the 1995 version of this movie. I also knew that going into the 2026 version that it was possibly going to be a movie that I might not enjoy that much. Oddly enough, I thought it was okay.

Eli Roth certainly has a divisive reputation among horror fans and this movie was one that horror fans who are largely neutral on him weren't impressed with. I think there might be a few positives though.

For example, there's a quietly chilling performance from lead Ari Millen. He played the titular character aka Jonathan Smiley. Jonathan was a kind man who got blamed for harming children and had his life ruined. However he was able to team up with a necromancer (Benjamin Byron Davis) in order to get his revenge.

The town of Bayleen Bay bore the brunt of Jonathan's revenge. Giving the kids ice cream brought out their homicidal tendencies and any adult onscreen was subjected to a horrific death. If there's one thing that Eli Roth has perfected as a director, it's a fucking gruesome death. I mean, the deaths are off the scales in terms of brutality.

There's a bunch of kid protagonists including brother and sister duo Jared (Charlie Zeltzer) and Lizzie Mayfair (Sarah Abbott) along with Jared's friends, Tommy (Shiloh O'Reilly) and Mia (Kiori Mirza Waldman). The only ones along with bully turned half decent guy Chris (Dylan Hawco) who didn't eat the ice cream. It was up to them to save the town.  It didn't exactly go to plan.

Actually, it went spectacularly wrong. Nearly everyone got slaughtered and it turned out that Jared's grandfather was responsible for Jonathan's life being ruined. In fact, Jonathan was the only true winner in this whole violent saga.

- Apparently this isn't a remake of the 1995 movie. Eli Roth also appeared as the father of Jared and Lizzie.

- The credit sequence played on the theme effectively enough.

- Standout music: Eli Roth's The Ice Cream Song.

- Chronology: Set in the present day in Bayleen Bay.

Maybe I'm feeling a little generous here but I actually didn't hate this version of Ice Cream Man. Some of the kills were genuinely effective and there's a quiet menace to Ari Millen's version of the title character. At best, it's mediocre.

Rating: 6 out of 10

My Review of Hypochondriac (2022)

 

Written And Directed by Adddison Heimann

Will (to himself): "There's something really wrong with me."

I was looking for some gay horror themed movies and I stumbled across this very odd and very confusing film. Focusing on a gay potter named Will (Zach Villa), he's a guy with a pretty traumatic past. 

With parents like his mother (Marlene Forte) and father (Chrus Doubek), it's no wonder that Will spent so much of this movie being traumatised, dreaming of wolf masks and struggling with both his work and his relationship with boyfriend, Luke (Devon Graye). Let's talk about the latter, shall we?

Luke seemed like a decent boyfriend on the surface. He cooked nice meals and wanted Will to meet his mother. Will kind of sabotaged the latter bit and as Will's mental state took a turn, he actually dumped Luke. That however didn't stop Will from seeking comfort in Luke when he was at an all time low.

I'll admit that I found the second half half of this movie absolutely confusing as hell. It seems like both of Will's parents did a number on him and there was a concern that he might have had ALS. His father threatened to have him locked up, his mother's return unsettled him and did he actually kill Luke?

Then when Will was institutionalised, it seemed he was maybe getting some help from his therapist there. I can't tell if the film had a positive or gloomy end for Will as a character or even what happened to Luke.

- There's some support roles from both Paget Brewster and Adam Busch as medical professionals attempting to help Will.

- Will's boss was a cruel bitch uninterested in his mental well being while Will had been helpful to a co-worker earlier in the film.

- Standout music: Jessie J's Domino. 

- Chronology: Present day Los Angeles, though a time jump between the younger and older versions of Will

I'm not sure how I feel about Hypochondriac as a film. I don't think I particularly liked it in terms of execution, in spite of the fact that its a personal story from the writer/director. Zach Villa did give a solid performance, so that helped.

Rating: 6 out of 10

My Review of The Silence Of The Lambs (1991)

 

Written by Ted Tally

Directed by Jonathan Demme

Hannibal: "Well, Clarice - have the lambs stopped screaming?"

For a film that I've watched a good amount of times, I can't believe it's taken me this long to write an actual review for it on this blog but here we are. Yes, this was a movie that I saw when I was too young to see and it's stayed with me ever since.

To me, Anthony Hopkins is Hannibal Lecter. That's not being disrespectful to other actors who've assumed the role but his performance in this movie was so captivating and chilling in equal measure, it's hard not to be engrossed by his particular take on the iconic baddie.

It's funny that this was the second movie in a row where he's not actually the main threat but he's more effective than said threat and yet again, the main protagonist needed his assistance in catching the killer. This time around, it's FBI trainee Clarice Starling (Jodie Foster) who sought Lecter's counsel.

There are some performances that are defining for an actor, movie, genre etc and this film had two of them. For all the plaudits that I can level at Anthony Hopkins, I'd be remiss if I didn't do the same with Jodie Foster. She's utterly incredible through this entire movie as Clarice Starling. Then when she's in scenes with Hopkins, it's a whole other level of acting.

Clarice and Hannibal are magnetic to watch. They're able to get the measure of one another and there's a certain respect among two people on the very opposite sides of the law. That final phone call between Hannibal and Clarice was a brilliant way to cap off this film and to lead into a future encounter.

As for the villain himself, I do find Buffalo Bill (Ted Levine) pretty effective, if not as engrossing as Hannibal and Clarice. His kidnapping of Catherine Martin (Brooke Smith) drove the second half of the movie and there's a discussion on the nature of Bill's gender identity issues. It's not a flawless take on the issue but it's a honest one nonetheless.

- I find it really amusing that this movie got released on Valentine's Day. Who on Earth brought their date to this movie?

- There's some creepy stuff involving moths as well as Clarice bring assaulted with certain bodily fluids and her own harrowing past involving lambs.

- Standout music: Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers American Girl.

- Chronology: Clarice was training at Quantico and Lecter got flown to Memphis. Throw in mentions and sightings of Montana, Ohio, LAX and Calumet City.

The Silence Of The Lambs has earned it's place in cinematic history. There's defining performances from both Anthony Hopkins and Jodie Foster.  They're utterly captivating to watch from start to finish. One of the best movies, full stop. 

Rating: 9 out of 10

My Review of Manhunter (1986)

 

Written And Directed by Michael Mann

Will: "It's just you and me now, sport. And I'm going to find you, God damn it."

To the general audience, there are two actors who they deeply associate as the character of Hannibal Lecter and it's not Brian Cox. However in this movie, he's Hannibal Lecktor and he's a supporting player in this now cult classic and first onscreen depiction of the iconic killer and cannibal.

Yeah, this was an adaptation of Thomas Harris's Red Dragon novel. Here, it's FBI Agent Will Graham (William Petersen) that's the main protagonist and it's a race against time in order for Will to stop Francis Dollarhyde aka the Tooth Fairy (Tom Noonan) from escalating his depraved crimes.

Part of Will's journey into saving the day meant confronting Hannibal Lecktor. There's a violent history between the two of them and some of the best moments are the scenes between these two. Hannibal seemed to have a bit of grudging respect for Will but was mostly helpful in helping Will get closer into trapping Dollarhyde.

As a villain, Francis was chilling enough. He was a fan of Hannibal and the FBI tried to use that in order to smoke him out. Instead they put Freddy Lounds (Stephen Lang) in the worst kind of danger. Lounds did put himself in the firing line with the way he implied that Francis was gay and Freddy's comeuppance did make for one of the most brutal scenes in the whole film. I even felt bad for the guy.

As for Dollarhyde, he had a girlfriend named Reba (Joan Allen) and she was partially there to try and humanise Francis a little. Francis even went berserk when Reba was abducted but he was also willing to kill her when we got into the final confrontation between him and Will.

Outside of Will, Hannibal and Francis, the other most noteworthy characters included FBI Agent Jack Crawford (Dennis Farina) and he's a good support character. There's some screen time given to Will's wife, Molly (Kim Griest) and his son and they're there to show Will's private life.

- This won't be the only film adaptation of this particular book as we'd get a 2002 version as well. 

- Brian Cox has mentioned basing his performance on Scottish serial killer Peter Manuel.

- Standout music: Shriekback's The Big Hush and The Prime Movers Strong As I Am.

- Chronology: Birmingham, Alabama as well as St. Louis, Atlanta and Florida.

I can see why Manhunter (1986) has developed its cult classic status. Its a pretty strong adaptation of the source material and there's good performances from William Petersen, Tom Noonan and Brian Cox respectively. 

Rating: 7 out of 10

My Review of A Clockwork Orange (1971)

 

Written And Directed by Stanley Kubrick 

Alex: "I was cured, all right!"

I'm not entirely sure if this fits into my horror binge of movies and shows this month but then I remember, this was a movie that was so controversial, it was once banned. Yup, that was something that happened to this particular film.

There was a crime wave in Britain at the time and it certainly inspired the making of this film. A bunch of delinquent youths led by the charismatic, dangerous and disaffected Alex DeLarge (Malcolm McDowell) made for a frightening force.

These youths weren't just content with sneaking into bars at night that they were too young for. They also enjoyed acts of vandalism but targeting a well off couple in the middle of nowhere wasn't their brightest ideas.

The scene where Alex and his band of droogs - Pete (Michael Tarn), Georgie (James Marcus), and Dim (Warren Clarke) attacked writer Frank Alexander (Patrick Magee) and wife, Mary (Adrienne Corri). Even to this day, it's one of the most shocking displays of physical and sexual assault commited to film and made for an uncomfortable watch.

Of course, it's this horrible act of violence that brought about the eventual capture of Alex himself. He's forced to undergo extreme methods of aversion therapy called the Ludovico technique to curb his sadistic tendencies. It worked enough to get his freedom back but at a cost.

Alex would try to behave himself and even couldn't have sex with a woman without reservations. However it was his reunion with Frank that saw the latter get his own revenge and drive Alex to suicide. Alex of course made it out of the film alive and with a rather nifty job position. He was cured alright.

- Based on the book by Anthony Burgess of the same name. It's mostly a faithful adaptation too, excluding the final scene.

- One of the first films not to have opening credits after the title and most of the continuity errors were intentional.

- Standout music: The macabre use of both Singin' In The Rain and Beethoven's Ninth Symphony.

- Chronology: A futuristic dystopian Britain was the setting for this movie.

A Clockwork Orange undoubtedly earned it's reputation as botha masterful piece of filmmaking by Stanley Kubrick and one of the most depraved pieces of film ever to hit the big screen. Throw in a glorious lead performance from Alex McDowell and this film's a masterpiece.

Rating: 9 out of 10 

My Review of Clayface (2026)

 

Written by Mike Flanagan And Hossein Amini

Directed by James Watkins

Matt (quoting a movie role): "I'm coming for all of you and Hell is coming with me."

The DCU has had a mixed 2026. Supergirl ended up being a crushing box office disappointment, only for Lanterns to hit big for HBO. Now its time for the DCU to properly dip their toes into the world of horror. I guess starting with a Batman villain was the way to go.

Once again, we have another take on the character of Clayface where Matt Hagan (Tom Rhys Harries) was given the backstory of Basil Karlo. Why does this keep happening? If you've seen Batman: The Animated Series episodes Feat Of Clay and Mudslide, a lot of what happened in this movie will be familiar.

Matt Hagen should be having the time of his life. He's a hot actor and a guy from the Narrows made good. He's gotten nominated for an Academy Award, booked another gig and life in general was looking good for him. Then it went all horribly wrong and all because he danced and hooked up with the wrong woman.

The woman being Mia Torrez (Joana Ribeiro). She happened to be the girlfriend of mobster Markos Szabo (David Dencik). Szabo didn't take kindly to Matt being with Mia so Matt ended up being horribly disfigured, accused of sexual assault and dropped by his agent, Hildie Love (Nancy Carroll). It's amazing how fast Matt's life came crashing down around him.

In fact, not only did Matt lose the job he loved but he also had to deal with betrayals from both his manager, Frank Fitzpatrick (Eddie Marsan) and best friend Corey Bowery (Joshua James). The latter's betrayal in particular affected Matt the worst as his mental state deteriorated as the movie progressed.

For those worried that Clayface would go the same way as the Sony movies have with certain villains, don't worry. Matt might be sympathetic but his story only darkened once he agreed to work with Dr. Caitlyn Corr (Naomi Ackie) in getting his face fixed. Matt's transformation took the absolute worst turn it could've have taken and his obsession with Caitlyn also lead to the death of her detective boyfriend, John Borrelli (Max Minghella).

In fact, Matt went on a massive killing spree, taking out everyone who screwed him over and there's some pretty gruesome deaths on display here. Szabo in particular arguably got the worst but killing John forced Caitlyn's hand into stopping Matt. The final transformation into Clayface and that tragic last scene might be one of the best endings for any movie this year.

- Both Rob Brydon and Aaron Paul appeared in this movie. The former as Gotham talk show host Vic Chessler and the latter as Matt's abusive father, Jimmy.

- The airplane scene with the eyes and the small scissors genuinely pushed my levels of squeamish. I really had a hard time looking at that scene, it was horrifying to watch.

- There's no big references to Batman, though he exists in this timeline. Coast City was referenced a few times.

- Clayface's final look did seem to evoke the Arkham games. Vesuvius Club also featured prominently in the film.

- Standout music: Jasmine Jethwa's If You Leave Me Now and David Bowie's Golden Years.

- Chronology: The events of this movie happened before the first season of Creature Commandos. Set in Gotham City.

Clayface could've fallen apart as both a horror film and an off kilter DCU project but it delivered on both fronts. Tom Rhys Harries brought Matt Hagen to life perfectly and the character's downward trajectory was so fascinating to watch. That final scene alone will stick with me for a while. A fantastic horror and DCU film in equal measures.

Rating: 8 out of 10

My Review of American Horror Story: 13 - Sisters In Arms

 

Written by Ned Martel And Charlie Carver 

Directed by Gillian Robespierre 

Fiona: "I think you'll understand when I say I can't believe my eyes."

Constance: "Nor can I."

I certainly can't believe what this episode tried and failed to pull off. I knew we were going to get some convoluted nonsense in which Fiona Goode and Constance Langdon would be suddenly related but talk about messing it up badly here.

I could maybe believe in Fiona and Constance being twin sisters but the two of them sharing a mother in Sister Jude Martin from Asylum? This felt like the show was taking the piss. It's just horrible writing and bad continuity to seasons past. There was also no need for Jude to be a sexual assault victim of the Devil.

I'll admit that I did like Myrtle being the one to break the news to Fiona and also the one to introduce Fiona and Constance and give them some alone time together. That was considerate of Myrtle. Fiona and Constance had a lot to discuss but the latter's resentment over having no magic annoyed me. I like that Fiona didn't let Constance blame her for that.

When we weren't indulging in the sisterly reunion, Ben realised that time was of the essence in order to defeat his father. Both Cordelia and Marie looked like they wanted to gag Ben but instead, Ben made himself useful and plucked Queenie out of Hell. Ben might be getting used to his powers but he's certainly enjoying the perks of taking trips into Hell without any consequences for him.

Anyways, I was glad to see Queenie back on Earth but Marie's OTT way of explaining a plan to defeat Mr. Nas was one of those scenes that went on too long. I also knew that it was a plan that was going to go horribly wrong once Cordelia, Queenie and Ben headed back to the Apollyon to carry out the plan.

It had to go wrong, didn't it? They made a point of Nas being able to read Ben's mind and Ben got knocked out yet again. On top of that, we had Queenie being strangled by Rubber Man and Cordelia being stabbed by Mr. Phibes. It should've made for a gripping cliffhanger but it felt a bit flat.

- Where the Hell were Madison, Mallory, Coco, Myrtle, Fiona and Constance during Marie's big plan discussion?

- Queenie is considering moving to New York after the Coven defeat Satan. I really do feel like this show has to deplete the Coven next week. 

- Pepper got a mention when Nas was tormenting Jude but not an appearance. I wish this episode did a better job in showing why Constance is only now going against Mr. Nas.

- Ben acted like the events of the previous episode didn't happen. There was no continuity on him and Madison.

- Marie almost seem to have more respect now that she was made aware of Cordelia's true lineage.

- Chronology: From where the previous episode left off. 

Sisters In Arms was a poor penultimate episode that not even three different performances from Jessica Lange could save it. I've been a big defender of this season but there's no getting away from how much of an actual mess it's become as we head towards the finale. Can the last episode bring this together? I hate to say it but it's not looking likely.

Rating: 5 out of 10

My Review of American Horror Story: 13 - Madison's Happy Ending

 

Written by Ned Martel And Charlie Carver And Ryan Murphy 

Directed by Adam Penn

Ben (to the Coven): "Trust me, I am not the Devil that you know. I'm the Devil you need."

Every once in a while, a show you love will produce an episode so devastatingly stupid, you'll almost feel embarrassed for liking said show to begin with. This was that very episode and being so close to the finale, it made it so much more headache inducing.

All season long, something has felt off about Madison Montgomery as a character. It's like instead of coming up with new iconic lines organically for her, the show was forcing them, with none of them remotely landing. Even the revised "Surprise bitch" line earlier in the season was a low for Madison.

However, the writing for her in this episode bordered on outright misogyny. Since when was Madison a romcom Princess? And while I do like the idea of Ben being a dream Prince, this episode spectacularly failed to deliver on it's mawkish premise. We're at the tail end of defeating Satan. We didn't have time for this.

I'll give Joey Pollari and Emma Roberts some credit for trying to make Ben and Madison work but not enough to justify the amount of time the episode wasted trying to develop a relationship between the two. Yes, Madison fell in love with Ben but did he fall back in love with her? He certainly liked spending time with her but you're not given the perspective they were on the same page romantically. 

Oddly enough, Ben's best scenes were with the Coven. He started the episode being threatened with castration but plucking Myrtle Snow (Frances Conroy) out of retail Hell certainly earned him some brownie points. I don't think the season needed Myrtle back but I'll never say no to seeing more of Frances Conroy and Cordelia couldn't hide her joy in Myrtle being back.

While I've enjoyed the nice boy Ben more than most people, this bad boy version who wants to do good is actually enjoyable. I love that Ben is going the opposite route to Michael Langdon (who I also loved) and now that Ben's tapped into his demon side, he's gotten that tiny bit more sexier to boot. Funny that.

- I knew Ashley was going to be a goner but Ben killing her by accident I didn't expect. Good riddance though.

- Myrtle really did just get a variation of Madison's personal Hell until Ben stepped in to get her. Frances Conroy's name has been added to the opening credits. 

- Ben started the season disapproving of Constance smoking and now, he's enjoying a post sex smoke with Madison. He looked gorgeous in that grey suit on their date.

- Mallory had the most hostility for Ben out of all the witches whereas Coco was charmed by him.

- The references to Julia Roberts, the need for a baby, the gay gynaecologist. I hated all of these scenes that involved Madison. It felt like a different show and not a good one.

- Chronology: From where the previous episode left off.

I don't think the show has produced an episode as spectacularly bad as Madison's Happy Ending. It's genuinely the worst episode of American Horror Story in it's thirteen season history. The Madison/Ben plot was a classic case of "too little, too late" for this sort of pairing and quite frankly, I'd be more happy to see them break up by the finale. Let it be a doomed romance.

Rating: 4 out of 10