My Review of The Wicker Man (2006)

 

Written And Directed by Neil LaBute

Edward (to the cult): "THIS IS MURDER! *MURDER!* YOU'LL ALL BE *GUILTY!* AND YOU'RE DOING IT FOR *NOTHING!* KILLING ME WON'T BRING BACK YOUR GODDAMN HONEY!"

Well I watched the original movie and I really enjoyed it. I watched the sequel and found it out. I had to go and watch this American remake and I didn't care for it.

Now I'm generally a fan of Nicolas Cage but I think we can all admit that every now and then he ends up starring in a right stinker or two. This would be one of those stinkers in a row that's he's absolutely miscast in.

Taking on the role of a policeman named Edward Malus, we had our soon to be unlucky protagonist reunite with ex-fiancee Willow Woodward (Kate Beahan). Their daughter, Rowan (Erika Shay Gair) has gone missing in an island of Neo Pagans. They're not a helpful bunch.

In fact, they pretty go out of their way to be as obstructive as humanly possible. The teacher, Sister Rose (Molly Parker) went out of her way to deny Rowan's existence and other characters like Sister Honey (Leelee Sobieski), Dr T.H. Moss (Frances Conroy) and Sister Beech (Diane Delano) aren't any better either.

I mean the movie does play out like the original but it's an American setting, Rowan's the daughter of Edward and the villagers who are predominantly women believe that sacrificing Edward will save their honey. They're led by Sister Summersisle (Ellen Burstyn) and of course she's also Willow's mother and Rowan's grandmother.

Edward never really stood a chance and it did feel like this movie tried to up his suffering before he was burned alive compared to his 1973 counterpart. That doesn't however make this a more compelling version. In fact, it's the exact opposite.

- This film got five Raspberry nominations but managed not to win a single one of them.

- This movie's so bad that even Robin Hardy had his name removed from the credits.

- Standout music: Paescod's Carnival Of Bones.

- Chronology: 2006 in an island off the coast of Washington. Sister Summerisisle's name is a reference to the location in the original movie.

One of the worst remakes, I've ever watched. This version of The Wicker Man was excruciating from start to finish with Nicolas Cage delivering a genuinely awful performance. Just don't bother.

Rating: 3 out of 10 

My Review of The Wicker Tree (2011)

 

Written And Directed by Robin Hardy

Sir Lachlan Morrison (to Steve): "Laddie, you are a prince among men, a king. We all, all salute you. You will give your life so that a new generation of our people will be born blessing your name. Children will be called after you. Hallowed be thy name."

Why yes, I did skip the American remake of The Wicker Man in order to tackle this legacy sequel of sorts first. Don't worry, I will get back to it though at some point this month. Curiosity just got the better of me with this one.

A legacy with two of the original cast members returning and the same writer/director of the first movie? It's pretty unheard of. Does it result in a great follow up? Not really to be honest but I've seen worse.

Our protagonists here are a slightly vapid Christian couple made up of pop singer, Beth Boothby (Brittania Nicol) and her handsome cowboy fiancée, Steve Thompson (Henry Garrett). They've found themselves in Scotland to spread the good word and to get to know the locals. Oh and for their relationship to unravel at the same time.

The locals in questiion include Sir Lachlan Morrison (Graham McTavish) and his wife, Delia (Jacqueline Leonard). It also included local temptress, Lolly (Honeysuckle Weeks) who wasted no time in seducing Steve (it did not take much). Then there was returning Daisy (Lesley Mackie) and gruff butler, Beane (Clive Russell).

In this movie, both Daisy and Beane were tasked with preparing Beth for the May Queen, which turned out to be a trickier task as she had more fight in her than they were prepared for. Steve on the other hand had been set up as the Laddie for the May Festival and it didn't end particularly well for him. He really was too pretty to live.

It didn't exactly end well for Beth either. She might have gotten one good kill in but it didn't stop her from the suffering the same fate as the other May Queens. As for Steve, he may have gotten the worst death in this movie but his legacy lived on through Lolly as the crazy residents got what they really wanted from him.

- Christopher Lee does pop up as Old Gentleman in the movie, though it's not a huge role.

- A third movie had been considered before the passing of Robin Hardy. This film had a limited theatrical release.

- Standout music: Britannia Nicol's Follow Me.

- Chronology: April and May of the current year in both Texas and Glasgow. 

I'll admit that The Wicker Tree falls into that category not being great or awful. It's simply just okay in mostly rethreading what the first movie did along with some expansion on the villagers dangerous rituals. 

Rating: 6 out of 10 

My Review of The Wicker Man (1973)

 

Written by Anthony Shaffer

Directed by Robert Hardy

Sergeant Howie: "I believe in the life eternal, as promised to us by our Lord, Jesus Christ."

Lord Summerisle: "That is good. For believing what you do, we confer upon you a rare gift, these days - a martyr's death."

I felt like watching some British horror this week and of course, it was time to give this one another go. It's been a long while since I've watched this and to be honest, I probably should've watched it last month. Would've been more fitting tbh.

With this film, our protagonist was Sergeant Neil Howie (Edward Woodward) of the West Highlands Constabulary. The dusappearance of a girl named Rowan (Geraldine Cowper) has brought him to the island Summerisle and his life would be made difficult by the locals.

In the pub, he has to fight of the advances of the landlord's (Lindsay Kemp) daughter, Willow MacGregor (Britt Ekland) as she attempted to seduce him throughout the film. By the end of the film, his resistance to her dubious charms didn't work in his favour.

Then there's the local schoolteacher (Diane Cilento), who was teaching the kids material that Neil deemed inappropriate while also lying about Rowan being a student. Add a series of photographs of young girls as the May Queen and a grave for Rowan and things were definitely weird about Summerisle.

It didn't help that the mysterious Lord Summerisle (Christopher Lee) also added to the weirdness of the surroundings before Neil realised that the locals were doing ritual sacrifices on May Day to save their crops. This was where Rowan factored into things but it was Neil's attempts to rescue her that delivered the brutal twist.

It wasn't Rowan that was the intended sacrifice. Nope, it was Neil instead. Being a virgin (he was staying faithful to his wife to be), a man of authority who came to the island willingly and was made a fool. None of these helped Neil and the last scene where he was sacrificed ended this film on a brutal note.

- Other prominent actors in this movie, included Ingrid Pitt, Roy Boyd, Irene Sunter and Aubrey Morris.

- A US remake came out in 2006 while a spiritual sequel titled, The Wicker Tree with Christopher Lee and Lesley Mackie (Daisy) came out in 2011.

- Standout music: The chilling use of Middle English folk song, Sumer Is Icumen In.

- Chronology: April 30th and May 1st. 

The Wicked Man does make for a chilling early summer horror with plenty of shocks and nice reveals. The second half of this movie in particular and that last scene were especially chilling.

Rating: 8 out of 10