My Review of Scary Movie 5 (2013)

 

Written by Pat Proft And David Zucker

Directed by Malcolm D. Lee

Jody: "I feel like there's something in this house."

And we've hit the low point of the franchise. In the 2010s, this subgenre was well and truly dying on it's arse. This final entry was a case of "why even bother?" as it tried to set up a new group of protagonists.

First things first though - sexcapades with Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan? Even in 2013, that felt pretty dated as one of them died and the other got arrested. The kids of Sheen's also ended up being feral and discovered by two idiots named Ja'Marcus (Snoop Dogg) and D'Andre (Mac Miller).

The kids would be taken in by Sheen's fictionalised brother, Dan Sanders (Simon Rex) and his wife, Jody (Ashley Tisdale). Needless to say, they're a handful and even with help such as Maria (Lidia Porto), they only really answer to Mama herself.

This movie threw in the likes of Mama, Paranormal Activity and Black Swan as it's main reference points. The kids could see that title baddie from one movie, found footage factored a lot into the house and Jody herself was competing with Kendra (Erica Ash) for the Swan Queen. 

Yes, the movie trudged through these spoofs and not with the coordinated zing of the first two movies. It's such a sloppy movie, almost knowing that it's coming from an era that's already ended for this subgenre.

Jody and Dan are serviceable characters but there's a blandness to both Ashley Tisdale and Simon Rex. You almost get the impression neither one of them wanted to be a part of this but couldn't get out of their contracts. None of the jokes land and the resolution's pretty crap to boot.

- There's a post credit scene with Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan that played into "it was a dream" cliche. Cameos included Tyler Posey, Jasmine Guy, Mike Tyson, Usher, Kate Walsh, Molly Shannon and Angie Stone to name a few.

- Other spoofs included Planet Of The Apes, Cabin In The Woods, Evil Dead, Inception, Insidious and 50 Shades Of Grey.

- Standout music: Hyper Crush's Werk Me.

- Chronology: Years since the previous movie. No real references to the previous ones though.

Scary Movie 5 really was an embarrassment for this franchise. It's poor in every aspect and I really cannot say a good thing about it. A terrible ending for a sometimes fun but dated franchise. Will next year's sixth entry redeem this franchise? We'll see but this one's a dud.

Rating: 2 out of 10