My Review of House Of Wax (2005)

 

Written by Chad Hayes And Carey W. Hayes

Directed by Jaume Collet-Serrra

Carly: "Please don't kill me."

This remake was released over twenty years ago and it's only in the last week that I've actually watched the bloody thing. This isn't one of those movies that I wished I had watched sooner but it's not a regret watch either.

It's also a reminder that this cast were a mixed bunch. Chad Murray Michael was on One Tree Hill while Elisha Cuthbert was largely known for 24. It would be a few months before Jared Padalecki would step into the world of Supernatural and Paris Hilton was one of the biggest reality TV stars of the 2000s.

On paper, I can see why these people were selected to make up the principle cast for this remake. Cuthbert was the heroine of the piece, Carly Jones while Murray played her feckless brother, Nick and Padalecki was her nice enough boyfriend, Wade Felton.

Hilton herself was the best friend character, Paige Edwards who ended up getting pregnant by her own boyfriend, Blake Johnson (Robert Ri'chard). Needless to say that the majority of this group don't make it out of the alive and are subjected to genuinely deaths involving wax. Wade's fate in particular was horrifying to watch.

A large portion of this movie was about Carly and Nick's relationship. They were both at odds with one another but as their friends were getting gruesomely killed off by a rather creepy family, led by Bo and Vincent Sinclair (Brian Van Holt).

Both Bo and Vincent took great delight in terrorising Carly and her friends as well as the not very helpful Dalton Chapman (Jon Abrahams). There's a rather fiery final showdown, the death of a sibling duo and an ending that confirmed a family lineage lived on. No e of which will really shock anyone.

- There was another Sinclair. Lester (Damon Herriman) made it out of the film alive. The Sinclairs had a disturbing flashback at the start of the film.

- Although it's a remake, there's no real connection to the 1953 version of the movie.

- Standout music: The Prodigy/Juliette Lewis's Spitfire and Joy Division's New Dawn Fades.

- Chronology: Set in the 2000s itself.

House Of Wax (2005) might be in the middle ground of 2000s remakes of classic horror movies. It's not a horrible remake (cast are fine, gory scenes do land and so on) but it's not a great one either. Mostly mediocre.

Rating: 6 out of 10 

My Review of Thunderball (1965)

 

Written by Richard Maibaum And John Hopkins And Kevin McClory And Jack Whittingham And Ian Fleming

Directed by Terence Young 

James Bond: "That gun, it looks more fitting for a woman."

Emilio Largo: "You know much about guns, Mr. Bond?"

James Bond: "No, but I know a little about women."

I'm definitely into my stride with Sean Connery's version of James Bond and there's a comforting familiarity with how he plays with the character.

Once again, SPECTRE are the focus of villainy. There's operative Emilio Largo (Adolfo Celi). He wanted to hold NATO to ransom with the use of atomic bombs and he's something of a petty man throughout the film.

There's also Count Lippe (Guy Doleman). He had French Air Force pilot François Derval (Paul Stassino) murdered and replaced by Angelo Palazzi. Derval also took his face, so Stassino was technically on double duty for this film.

As intriguing as Lippe was as a potential baddie, he's not a character who went the distance. He rather quickly killed off by SPECTRE agent Fiona Volpe (Luciana Paluzzi). She was Largo's right hand woman and a pretty effective one to boot.

Of course, James had his own female love interest with Largo's mistress, Domino (Claudine Auger) betraying her villainous paramour in order to help Bond. Domino had some promise but she's somewhat relegated to a damsel in distress until she got her revenge.

Villain wise, Largo's not as dynamic as some of the previous ones. He's got an okay enough rapport with Bond and his death was certainly deserved. As for Bond and Domino, not the most dynamic but decent enough.

- This was the last film that Terence Young directed for the franchise. First one where Ian Fleming had a writing credit.

- There's a lot of cool underwater sequences in this movie.

- Standout music: John Barry's Thunderball.

- Chronology: Largely set in the Bahamas for the majority of the film.

Thunderball might not be my favourite from the Sean Connery era of James Bond but it's a solid enough entry nonetheless. The opening alone was one of the most amusing moments in the film.

Rating: 7 out of 10 

My Review of To Catch A Thief (1955)

Written by John Michael Hayes

Directed by Alfred Hitchcock 

John Robie: "For what it's worth, I never stole from anybody who would go hungry."

What can I say? I was in the mood for a Cary Grant movie and went with this one he did with Alfred Hitchcock and Grace Kelly. I made a good choice here.

A romance meets crime thriller in which Cary Grant was well cast as retired cat burglar John "The Cat" Robie. Although it turned out that John didn't like that nickname or the black cat who frequently appeared in the film.

John was also less keen on the fact that he was being framed for a string of new burglaries that lacked his panache. He was eager to clear his name and avoid the police. He also happened to be paired with a beautiful blonde woman.

This would be where Grace Kelly stepped in. The daughter of a rich widow, Frances Stevens was quite the cool customer for John. They flirted like mad and maddened each other at different points. They clearly had feelings but almost their mutual pride sabotage themselves to boot.

There was also the complication of Danielle Foussard (Brigette Arbur). She had her own complex history with John and there's a display of jealousy when both Danielle and Frances share a first meeting with John caught in the middle of both women. It's a simmering but slightly underdeveloped love triangle between the three of them.

Then there's a masquerade ball that almost saw the downfall of the Cat himself. John nearly got the better made of him before the real Cat of the piece. I don't think the reveal was too shocking or even their motives but it did work well enough as a resolution to clearing John's name.

- The movie was based on a book of the same name by David Dodge.

- Jessie Royce Landis who played Frances's wealthy mother, Jessie had some genuinely brilliant lines. A delightful foil for both John and Frances.

- Cary Grant initially retired from acting before being cast in this film.

- Chronology: Set in the French Riviera. John's former gang were called the French Resistance. He was likened to Robin Hood at one point in the film.

To Catch A Thief is a playful and romantic thriller. It's sexy, flirty and funny in parts. Both Cary Grant and Grace Kelly are on such a fantastic form. I'd highly recommend this one.

Rating: 8 out of 10 

My Review of The Whisper Man (2026)

 

Written by Ben Jacoby And Chase Palmer

Directed by James Ashcroft 

Amanda: "If you're lonely, sad and blue. The Whisper Man will come for you."

My second new streaming movie release in less than a week to watch and it's another disappointment. I almost switched off halfway through but I persevered. Honestly I wouldn't recommend this one at all.

I do like a good detective thriller with a twist and this one on paper sounded good but the results were pure tedium. Adam Scott took centre stage as a grieving novelist Tom Kennedy with his young son, Jake (Acston Luca Porto) as they moved to the hometown of Tom's deceased wife.

They also moved into a rather creepy house where both Jake and Tom talked of imaginary friends. There was also a serial killer back in the 1990s called The Whisper Man, aka Frank Carter (Michael Keaton). Frank of course did get caught by Detective Peter Willis (Robert DeNiro).

Anyways, to get to the point of this episode - Jake went missing and it was revealed that both Peter and Tom were father and son and had an estranged relationship. Peter was working with fellow detective Amanda Beck (Michelle Monaghan) in order to find Jake.

There's some time spent on a serial killer fanatic named Norman Collins (Hamish Linklater). He's creepy enough but not the killer/kidnapper. Nope that's Francis Jr (Owen Carter) and he ended up having the worst kind of family reunion with his infamous father.

Speaking of fathers and sons, everything about Jake, Tom and Peter felt predictable throughout. Peter was absent father because he was a good detective and his only way to make things up for Tom involved getting Jake back. I guess it's up to Tom not to make the same mistakes his father did.

- It was based on Alex North's book of the same name. The Russo brothers are producers on this film.

- The Whisper Man had a creepy rhyme and left messages for his victims families.

- Standout music: R.E.M's Shiny Happy People.

- Chronology: 2026 in Garretton.

The Whisper Man made for a dull and lifeless crime thriller. Even Adam Scott and Robert DeNiro felt like they were bored for the most part. I'd avoid this one to be honest.

Rating: 4 out of 10 

My Review of Lanterns: "The Weenie"

 

Written by Breannah Gibson

Directed by Geeta Vasant Patel

John (re Hal): "The ring's always been mine. That asshole's been keeping it warm."

Lianna: "Then go get it, John Stewart."

Oh boy. This episode really did seem determined to have a wedge between John and Hal and I think it might have succeeded. It's like everyone around them who isn't Kerry seems determined to get the pair of them at odds with one another.

Let's start with Sinestro, huh? He's only given one scene but when he wasn't being cryptic about the Manhunters, he was dripping paranoia into Hal's earlier about John being his replacement. It also worked rather well.

Then there's both Lianna and the Stewarts. If John demonstrated any sympathy or pity for Hal, they were determined to stamp it out. Bernadette, John Sr and Lianna went the extra mile to make John turn on Hal. The quote I selected for this review also came back to bite John.

Hal wasn't best pleased when an encounter with Not Hector Hammond (Jason Manuel Olazabal) had that particular exchange between John and Lianna played back to Hal. On the plus side, this episode almost went out of its way to tell us how wrong everyone else was for wanting Hal to retire. Hal was figuring things out that everyone else wasn't.

For example, he clocked that Hector wasn't Hammond but Gutierrez and he clocked John's lack of emotion when Zoe was blown up. Yeah, Zoe turned out to be a Manhunter and she's definitely not dead. Hal also then left John to crash into a pole. 

Hal might not hate John but he was definitely angered by the latter keeping too many secrets from him. Did Hal maybe overreact in that last scene? Of course he did but it made for a great end to this particular episode.

- John ended up having to draw William naked before he slept with Zoe again. Does William know he failed to kill Zoe?

- I'm hoping the name drop for Hector Hammond means that we'll be seeing him in the finale, if not earlier.

- Kerry really was from Gotham. Hal double checked. Billy also owned the local bar as well as being a lawyer.

- There's a genuinely funny moment in this episode with John telling Hal his Disneyland story. Less funny was what happened to that poor cow.

- Standout music: Wunderhorse's Midas during the closing credits.

- Chronology: 2016 for the whole episode and we're still in Nebraska.

The Weenie provided some answers and raised a lot more questions as it went along. It was also a true test with Hal and John as a team and right now, things are far more tense between the pair. Great ending though and next week's episode looks chaotic.

Rating: 8 out of 10 

My Review of Goldfinger (1964)

 

Written by Richard Maibaum And Paul Dehn

Directed by Guy Hamilton

James Bond: "Do you expect me to talk?"

Auric Goldfinger: "No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!"

Ah, I'm into a halfway point for Sean Connery as James Bond and so far, I'm seriously enjoying his era as the iconic spy. Yes, it's definitely not the politically correct of eras but it's got an undeniable charm to it.

James did want to have a nice vacation for himself but soon enough, he was publicly humiliating gold obsessed baddie Auric Goldfinger (Gert Fröbe) and bedding the beautiful Jill Masterson (Shirley Eaton). In one of the most iconic scenes in a James Bond movie, poor Jill got a rather unfortunate but on point, theme wise death scene that's left a cinematic lasting impression.

Jill's death certainly created a growing enmity between Bond and Goldfinger and there's also the addition of Jill's twin sister, Tilly (Tania Mallet). She wanted revenge on Goldfinger but she was a crap shot and found herself victim to hat throwing henchman, Oddjob (Harold Sakata).

While Jill and Tilly were hit and miss as characters, one woman who left an impression was Pussy Galore (Honor Blackman). A name like that alone will make a character hard to forget but really, it's down to performance and Honor Blackman gave the most memorable one here.

She really went toe to toe with Sean Connery and matched him pretty well. The back and forth between James and Pussy was brilliant to watch. Pussy started off being Team Goldfinger before switching sides by the third act. Even Pussy herself wasn't immune to James's dubious charms.

As for Goldfinger, he's another strong villain in this early era with Gert Fröbe on strong form. Goldfinger's a suitably repugnant baddie and came close a few times to properly killing James. Like his villainous predecessors, he's also given a suitably over the top death to boot.

- There's more scenes with Leiter, Miss Moneypenny, M and Q (Desmond Llewelyn). Moneypenny really wanted to cook James dinner but he declined.

- Orson Welles was originally considered for the role of Goldfinger.

- Standout music: Of course it's Shirley Bassey's Goldfinger. How could it not be?

- Chronology: Bond was in Miami Beach to begin with before going to London, Switzerland, Kentucky and Fort Knox.

Goldfinger (1964) continued the streak for Sean Connery's Bond with strong movies, villains, great stunts and girls. Speaking of girls, Honor Blackman really did stand out in the best way possible as Pussy Galore.

Rating: 8 out of 10 

My Review of Juno And The Paycock (1930)

 

Written by Alfred Hitchcock And Alma Reville

Directed by Alfred Hitchcock 

Captain Boyle: "Well, isn't all religions curious? If they weren't, how would you get anyone to believe in them?"

In movies that I didn't know existed, there's this one. Every Irish person would be familiar enough with playwright Sean O'Casey. Chances are that you'd have studied one of his plays in secondary school. This was not the one that I had studied though.

Having Alfred Hitchcock adapt this particular play however was an interesting choice. You've got an Ireland during its own civil war and the focus of course was on one particular family in the slums of Dublin.

The family were the Boyles. There was Captain Boyle (Edward Chapman) and his wife, Juno (Sara Allgood). They had two adult children - Mary (Kathleen O'Regan) and Johnny (John Lawler). The Captain wasn't a man seen in a positive light by his family.

Granted, it was an earned reputation as Captain Boyle spent more time getting drunk than providing for his family. There was a family inheritance that was set to solve the Boyles money woes but an error from Charles Bentham (John Longden) scuppered that hope for the Boyles.

On top of that, the Boyles were a family falling apart. Mary's rejection of a former fiancée Jerry Devine (Dave Morris) had led to an unwanted pregnancy from another man. Captain Boyle didn't exactly take being a grandfather well. Then there's Johnny himself.

Johnny had already lost an arm due to the Civil War and by the end of this film, he had lost his life. Juno had also lost her faith, her homely possessions and her son. There's a really harrowing scene with Juno that ended this film on a grim note. 

- Barry Fitzpatrick who appeared in the stage production had a small role as an Orator in the film.

- There's an exceptional performance from Maire O'Neill as pub owner Maisie Madigan. There's a woman who knew how to clear a debt.

- Sean O'Casey would go on to inspire Alfred Hitchcock's work on a specific character for The Birds.

- Chronology: Slums of Dublin during the Irish Civil War. 1922.

Juno And The Paycock (1930) was an interesting first time watch for me. There's some strong performances from Edward Chapman, Sara Allgood and Maire O'Neill respectively. Alfred Hitchcock's depiction of a certain time in Irish history was tackled well enough.

Rating: 7 out of 10 

My Review of From Russia With Love (1963)

 

Written by Richard Maibaum And Johanna Harwood 

Directed by Terence Young 

James Bond: "There's a saying in England: Where there's smoke, there's fire."

In the early days of Bond, there wasn't huge gaps in between sequels and this coming out a year after Dr. No certainly helped things along nicely.

Back for his second outing as James Bond, Sean Connery really was making the role very much his own. Bond's actions in Jamaica with Dr. No were about to have some major consequences for him.

The consequences would come in the form of an unwitting femme fatale named Tatiana Romanova (Danielle Bianchi). She was a Soviet clerk who found herself coerced into a role in Bond's potential downfall by SPECTRE No. 3 Rosa Klebb (Lotte Lenye). Above Rosa of course was Kronsteen (Vladek Sheybal). He was certainly quite the chessmastet of the whole film.

Bond's romance with Tatiana was sizzling enough, though the former had no problem striking the latter when he realised she was part of an elaborate trap for him. It's definitely one of those scenes in earlier Bond films that's aged rather horribly.

A film dedicated to the villain getting revenge on Bond though certainly had it's moments. Kronsteen had the plan of using a Lektor cryptography device from the Soviet Union's consulate in Istanbul to get the better of Bond. James also had Donald Grant (Robert Shaw) as a physical challenge. He made a pretty good one too.

Of course Kronsteen and Klebb made for better villains. Both were suitably nasty characters and both of them got rather appropriate deaths. This film also introduced portrayed Ernst Stavro Blofeld (Anthony Dawson) aka SPECTRE No. 1 himself. It's a pretty strong debut for that character.

- The film ended by letting audiences know that James Bond would return in Goldfinger (1964).

- Anthony Dawson (aka Blofeld) previously appeared as Professor Dent in Dr. No. Eunice Gayson also played Bond's girlfriend, Sylvia Trench.

- Standout music: Matt Monro's From Russia With Love.

- Chronology: Istanbul, London, Belgrade and Istria to name a few places.

From Russia With Love was a great follow up to its predecessor with the perfect cocktail of great villains, action, romance and spy hijinks. I can see why this was a favourite of Sean Connery's.

Rating: 8 out of 10

My Review of The Runner (2026)

 

Written by Mark Gibson

Directed by Kevin Macdonald 

Maia: "Who is this? Why do you have my son's phone?"

Caller: "Because I have your son."

The way everyone has been talking about this latest movie release from Amazon Prime, you'd swear it was the future villain entry at the Academy Awards. Is this the worst movie of 2026? Im not sure to be honest.

I can't pretend it's a good movie either but the ire towards it's lead Gal Gadot has certainly reached fever pitch. Last year, she undeniably gave one of the worst performances as the Evil Queen in Snow White (2025). What she did here was nowhere near as bad as her rendition of All Is Fair.

Set in London, Gadot's a prosecutor named Maia Marten and she's a mum to a diabetic boy named Noah (Rory Wilmot). Maia's day was about to go from mundane to stressful when she answered a mystery caller (Damian Lewis). 

The caller in question wanted her to kill a witness for a court case that was about to start in an hour. Of course Noah was used as leverage in order to get Maia to cooperate. The poor kid was even put into a diabetic coma just so Maia would realise the caller wasn't messing about.

Most of this film was Maia making a mad dash around London, getting injured, stealing phones, having her own phone stolen and attracting police attentiion at the same time. I guess it was a way to make Maia seem relatable while revealing that she killed her abusive father.

Of course Maia would make it to the hotel in time to kill the witness and save her son. The twist was expected in regards to the identity of the caller and Maia's deception in order to get him to slip. It's rather neatly resolved.

- Maia had a love interest named Ted (Alfred Enoch) but he's given very little screen time and only appeared at the end.

- Noah hated football and Maia called him "monkey". Maia's mother also went to prison for her.

- Standout music: Blondie's Heart Of Glass.

- Chronology: Present day London and set during the course of an hour.

The Runner (2026) at worst would be a rather mediocre and slightly inept thriller of sorts. It's also unintentionally funny because it's rather inept. I'm not gonna praise Gal Gadot's performance but I can't demonise it too much. It's a bad movie but there's worse out there.

Rating: 5 out of 10