My Review of On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969)

 

Written by Richard Maibaum And Simon Raven

Directed by Peter R. Hunt

James Bond (re Tracy): "It's all right. It's quite all right, really. She's having a rest. We'll be going on soon. There's no hurry, you see. We have all the time in the world."

If things had played out much differently, this would've been the start of a slew of James Bond movies with George Lazenby in the title role. Instead, it's a one and done deal and I'm going to say something controversial - I really love this movie. 

As much as I enjoyed Sean Connery in the role (and there's two more films with him to get to), I actually do think that George Lazenby was a worthy successor. As far as I'm concerned, he doesn't put a foot wrong here.

This was a version of Bond that upped his womanising ways when he went undercover in an environment where that wasn't his best course of action. He's also a Bond who just happened to get married to a woman who could easily match him.

The woman in question was Contessa Teresa di Vicenzo (Diana Rigg) or Tracy as she was mostly referred to in this one. There's something rather romcom like with James and Tracy, coupled with some slapstick humour, actual slapping and a father named Marc-Ange Draco (Gabriele Ferzetti) who desperately wanted James for a son in law. James wanted Blofeld (Tell.y Savalas). By the end of this film, he'd want Blofeld even more.

Putting most of the action in a retreat in Switzerland during the Christmas season was a brilliant idea. James got surrounded by beautiful women named the Angels of Death. Those women were of course sleeper agents for Blofeld's latest scheme. That didn't stop James from sleeping with the likes of Ruby (Angela Scoular) and Nancy (Catherina von Schell) as well as scuppering Blofeld's plans.

Then there's the wedding of James and Tracy. It's a beautiful affair, also bittersweet in the way Moneypenny herself quietly reacted to the day. Tracy's death at the end by Irma Bunt (Ilse Steppat) was genuinely heartbreaking to watch with James's solemn breakdown making it all the more effective.

- Did some of the women/Angels of Death really assume Sir Hilary Bray (George Baker) was gay? Bond impersonated him for that assignment.

- Joanna Lumley appeared as an Englishwoman for Blofeld's Angels of Death. All of them were of different nationalities.

- Standout music: John Barry's We Have All The Time In The World.

- Chronology: London, Switzerland and Portugal all factored in this film as did Christmas.

On Her Majesty's Secret Service to me might be one of the best James Bond movies ever made. It's almost one of the most heartbreaking with a beautifully depicted doomed love between James and Tracy. George Lazenby definitely deserves more praise for this film as does Diana Rigg.

Rating: 9 out of 10 

My Review of The Devil's Mouth (2026)

 

Written by Aja Gabel And Myung Joh Wesner

Directed by Jeff Wadlow

Sara: "I'm not afraid of water, just what might be in it."

2026 seems to be the year for straight to streaming shark related movies. A couple of months I found Netflix's Thrash somewhat entertaining and Amazon Prime also got into the spirit of the idea for this mid summer release.

Take five friends - Sara (Kathryn Newton), Max (Lana Condor), Adrianne (Tommi Rose), Greg (Gavin Casalegno) and James (Nico Hiraga). Then bring them to Thailand for a graduation trip before they embark on the big world separately and you've got a disaster that was about to unfold.

Sara's great idea for a bonding experience was trip to a water cave known as the Devil's Mouth that her father once experienced. In that particular, the gang and their unfortunate guide, Wat (Tayme Thapthimthong) would have the experience from hell. For water that was meant to be unoccupied, there was a ravenous bull shark in the mix.

Sara and her friends got thrown into this horrible scenario before the film hit it's halfway mark. The rest of the film was various friends (and Wat) being picked off, one by one. There was also plenty of group fighting and friendships/relationships being deconstructed at the worst possible time.

For a moment, it did look like both Sara and Max were going to share the final girl title. Sara and Max's friendship really got put under the microscope. Did the two of them even really like each other? Did they both really want to be in each others lives, post graduation? I do think had Max survived, maybe we would've gotten a definite answer with those questions.

Sara being the sole survivor was hardly a shocker. She's the closest to a developed character in a movie that's paper thin on development. I will say that Kathryn Newton has been building a solid horror career and there's something satisfying in that final moment when Sara got herself out of the cave to freedom.

- Sara literally got left in the water by her friends early in the film and stung by a lot of jellyfish. That should've killed her.

- Sara was the only singleton among her friendship. There was a brief flirtation with another guide but it led nowhere.

- Standout music: Courtship's Warm Waters.

- Chronology: The whole movie's set in present day Thailand.

The Devil's Mouth is a diverting enough tale of watery doom with a hungry shark on the prowl. It's nothing to get too excited over but a solid performance from the cast keeps it moving along nicely.

Rating: 6 out of 10 

My Review of Shattered (2022)

 

Written by David Loughery

Directed by Luis Prieto

Sky (re Sebastian): "Don't tell him I said so, but he's not half the lover you are."

Chris: "Every word that comes out of your mouth is a lie."

I'm going to take something of an educated guess and assume that movies like Misery (1990) and Knock Knock (2015) might have had something of an influence behind this tepid thriller of sorts. Also, you're being asked to sympathise with a tech billionaire, which even back in 2022 might have been asking a lot.

The billionaire in question was a man named Chris Decker and he's played by Cameron Monaghan. Between Shameless and Gotham, it's kind of a shame that Cameron Monaghan hasn't really popped off onto bigger things as an actor. 

In this movie alone, he's combating a paper thin protagonist role, an isolated location, an ex-wife and daughter and some rather dull villains with basic motivations. None of these things are particularly executed well.

Anyways, the movie wanted me to believe that Chris was a nice guy by having him help out the mysterious, Sky (Lilly Krug). Sky's clearly a nutcase before the inevitable reveal of being one and Chris found himself at her mercy following an injury that left him in a wheelchair.

Sky was actively stalking Chris along with her creepy stepdad Sebastian (Frank Grillo). Their plan was to basically rob Chris of his money and then kill him. They weren't above cutting his thumb off to get his print either.

The obstacle to their plan however turned out to be Chris's soon to be ex-wife, Jamie (Sasha Luss) and daughter, Willow (Ridley Bateman). Without the both of them, Chris would've been a destitute dead man from two absolute losers like Sky and Sebastian. Fortunately, both of them got their just desserts.

- John Malkovich and Ash Santos had supporting roles as Sky's landlord Ronald and lover/roommate Lisa respectively.

- Chris's app that made him into a billionaire was a security program called Watchdog.

- I had to laugh at Ronald wanting to steal one of Chris's paintings instead of trying to rescue him. 

- Chronology: Set in an isolated enough location over a few days. The movie was filmed in Montana.

Shattered (2022) turned out to be a pretty dull affair that wasted some of its cast. There's a good idea in there but it's executed poorly. Cameron Monaghan did his best with what he was given to work with but not enough to salvage this one.

Rating: 5 out of 10 

My Review of You Only Live Twice (1967)

 

Written by Roald Dahl

Directed by Lewis Gilbert 

James Bond: "Oh the things I do for England."

I'm nearing the end of the Sean Connery era of James Bond and after a few brief appearances in other movies, a certain someone decided to make his presence felt. That and his very white cat.

I'm of course talking about Ernst Stravro Blofeld (Donald Pleasance). Yup, this film very much had him as SPECTRE's main villain and he got some rather delightful scenes with James Bond himself.

Arguably some of the best villain scenes were with Blofeld and Bond. Blofeld was hired to help start a Soviet-American war and he came rather close to succeeding. Blofeld also tried to have Bond killed at the start and then punished those who failed to do so. Alas, poor Helga Brandt (Karin Dor). She was piranha food.

Did Blofeld overall win in his endeavours? Of course not but he did live to see another day compared to past antagonists and again, I have to commend Donald Pleasance's performance throughout this film. He's just brilliantly pitted against Sean Connery.

As for the women in Bond's life, this time we had Kissy Suzuki (Mie Hama). She actually got to marry James as part of an undercover storyline but she very much matched him throughout. Perhaps one of the more underrated of Bond women in this franchise.

There's also the Japanese secret service themselves who aided James Bond in this film. I quite liked the character of Tiger Tanaka (Tetsurō Tamba). He served as both a strong ally and slight foil to Bond and his scenes were a delight to watch.

- George Lazenby would step in for the next movie On Her Majesty's Secret Service but Sean Connery would reprise the role for Diamonds Are Forever.

- James was also sleeping with doomed agent Aki (Akiko Wakabayashi) before her death. We got some scenes with M, Moneypenny and Felix and pointed comments about James's smoking.

- Standout music: John Barry's You Only Live Twice.

- Chronology: Mostly set in Tokyo after Bond faked his death in Hong Kong. 

You Only Live Twice had James forge a married life of chaos and finally had Blofeld front and centre as a villain. I'm also shocked this film's screenplay came from Roald Dahl to boot. Great stuff.

Rating: 7 out of 10 

My Review of Poltergeist (1982)

 

Written by Steven Spielberg And Michael Grais And Mark Victor

Directed by Tobe Hopper

Carol Anne: "They're here."

There are still classic horror series that I have yet to cover for this blog. This was a movie that yet again, I've seen several times but never got around to reviewing for here. Until now of course.

Haunting movies are no more iconic than this one with the focus being on an ordinary family terrorised by restless spirits in their home. The family being Steven (Craig T. Nelson) and Diane Freeling (JoBeth Williams) and their children, Carol Anne (Heather O'Rourke), Robbie (Oliver Robin) and Dana (Dominique Dunne).

The focus was mostly on youngest child, Carol Anne. She was communicating with a static television and both her and Diane went into denial mode when the chairs stacked themselves on the kitchen table. Then Carol Anne went missing.

In fact, it was the ghosts who had taken her into a portal inside the closet. For a good chunk of the movie, you had both Steven and Diane at their wits end trying to get Carol Anne back. This brought in a slew of experts to help out the distressed family.

The most memorable of all these experts was of course Zelda Rubenstein's Tangina Barrows. She's the most helpful of the bunch, succeeding in actually getting Carol Anne back to her family. Rubenstein's performance was also the one that stood out the most in the film.

As for the rest of the movie, it's still great but somewhat meandered a bit. There's a few moments in the film where it could've ended but it kind of went on just to further highlight how dangers the spirits of that particular house were. 

- Some of the scenes included the hurricane sequence and that face removal one.

- There's two sequels and a remake that came out in 1986, 1988 and 2013 respectively.

- Standout music: The eerie use of The Star Spangled Banner.

- Chronology: Set in the planned community of Cuesta Verde, California.

Poltergeist (1982) definitely deserves it's plaudits as a movie and it's definitely a defining piece of 1980s cinema. It does lag a bit in the third act but overall, it's a favourite.

Rating: 8 out of 10 

My Review of House Of Wax (2005)

 

Written by Chad Hayes And Carey W. Hayes

Directed by Jaume Collet-Serrra

Carly: "Please don't kill me."

This remake was released over twenty years ago and it's only in the last week that I've actually watched the bloody thing. This isn't one of those movies that I wished I had watched sooner but it's not a regret watch either.

It's also a reminder that this cast were a mixed bunch. Chad Murray Michael was on One Tree Hill while Elisha Cuthbert was largely known for 24. It would be a few months before Jared Padalecki would step into the world of Supernatural and Paris Hilton was one of the biggest reality TV stars of the 2000s.

On paper, I can see why these people were selected to make up the principle cast for this remake. Cuthbert was the heroine of the piece, Carly Jones while Murray played her feckless brother, Nick and Padalecki was her nice enough boyfriend, Wade Felton.

Hilton herself was the best friend character, Paige Edwards who ended up getting pregnant by her own boyfriend, Blake Johnson (Robert Ri'chard). Needless to say that the majority of this group don't make it out of the alive and are subjected to genuinely deaths involving wax. Wade's fate in particular was horrifying to watch.

A large portion of this movie was about Carly and Nick's relationship. They were both at odds with one another but as their friends were getting gruesomely killed off by a rather creepy family, led by Bo and Vincent Sinclair (Brian Van Holt).

Both Bo and Vincent took great delight in terrorising Carly and her friends as well as the not very helpful Dalton Chapman (Jon Abrahams). There's a rather fiery final showdown, the death of a sibling duo and an ending that confirmed a family lineage lived on. No e of which will really shock anyone.

- There was another Sinclair. Lester (Damon Herriman) made it out of the film alive. The Sinclairs had a disturbing flashback at the start of the film.

- Although it's a remake, there's no real connection to the 1953 version of the movie.

- Standout music: The Prodigy/Juliette Lewis's Spitfire and Joy Division's New Dawn Fades.

- Chronology: Set in the 2000s itself.

House Of Wax (2005) might be in the middle ground of 2000s remakes of classic horror movies. It's not a horrible remake (cast are fine, gory scenes do land and so on) but it's not a great one either. Mostly mediocre.

Rating: 6 out of 10 

My Review of Thunderball (1965)

 

Written by Richard Maibaum And John Hopkins And Kevin McClory And Jack Whittingham And Ian Fleming

Directed by Terence Young 

James Bond: "That gun, it looks more fitting for a woman."

Emilio Largo: "You know much about guns, Mr. Bond?"

James Bond: "No, but I know a little about women."

I'm definitely into my stride with Sean Connery's version of James Bond and there's a comforting familiarity with how he plays with the character.

Once again, SPECTRE are the focus of villainy. There's operative Emilio Largo (Adolfo Celi). He wanted to hold NATO to ransom with the use of atomic bombs and he's something of a petty man throughout the film.

There's also Count Lippe (Guy Doleman). He had French Air Force pilot François Derval (Paul Stassino) murdered and replaced by Angelo Palazzi. Derval also took his face, so Stassino was technically on double duty for this film.

As intriguing as Lippe was as a potential baddie, he's not a character who went the distance. He rather quickly killed off by SPECTRE agent Fiona Volpe (Luciana Paluzzi). She was Largo's right hand woman and a pretty effective one to boot.

Of course, James had his own female love interest with Largo's mistress, Domino (Claudine Auger) betraying her villainous paramour in order to help Bond. Domino had some promise but she's somewhat relegated to a damsel in distress until she got her revenge.

Villain wise, Largo's not as dynamic as some of the previous ones. He's got an okay enough rapport with Bond and his death was certainly deserved. As for Bond and Domino, not the most dynamic but decent enough.

- This was the last film that Terence Young directed for the franchise. First one where Ian Fleming had a writing credit.

- There's a lot of cool underwater sequences in this movie.

- Standout music: John Barry's Thunderball.

- Chronology: Largely set in the Bahamas for the majority of the film.

Thunderball might not be my favourite from the Sean Connery era of James Bond but it's a solid enough entry nonetheless. The opening alone was one of the most amusing moments in the film.

Rating: 7 out of 10 

My Review of To Catch A Thief (1955)

Written by John Michael Hayes

Directed by Alfred Hitchcock 

John Robie: "For what it's worth, I never stole from anybody who would go hungry."

What can I say? I was in the mood for a Cary Grant movie and went with this one he did with Alfred Hitchcock and Grace Kelly. I made a good choice here.

A romance meets crime thriller in which Cary Grant was well cast as retired cat burglar John "The Cat" Robie. Although it turned out that John didn't like that nickname or the black cat who frequently appeared in the film.

John was also less keen on the fact that he was being framed for a string of new burglaries that lacked his panache. He was eager to clear his name and avoid the police. He also happened to be paired with a beautiful blonde woman.

This would be where Grace Kelly stepped in. The daughter of a rich widow, Frances Stevens was quite the cool customer for John. They flirted like mad and maddened each other at different points. They clearly had feelings but almost their mutual pride sabotage themselves to boot.

There was also the complication of Danielle Foussard (Brigette Arbur). She had her own complex history with John and there's a display of jealousy when both Danielle and Frances share a first meeting with John caught in the middle of both women. It's a simmering but slightly underdeveloped love triangle between the three of them.

Then there's a masquerade ball that almost saw the downfall of the Cat himself. John nearly got the better made of him before the real Cat of the piece. I don't think the reveal was too shocking or even their motives but it did work well enough as a resolution to clearing John's name.

- The movie was based on a book of the same name by David Dodge.

- Jessie Royce Landis who played Frances's wealthy mother, Jessie had some genuinely brilliant lines. A delightful foil for both John and Frances.

- Cary Grant initially retired from acting before being cast in this film.

- Chronology: Set in the French Riviera. John's former gang were called the French Resistance. He was likened to Robin Hood at one point in the film.

To Catch A Thief is a playful and romantic thriller. It's sexy, flirty and funny in parts. Both Cary Grant and Grace Kelly are on such a fantastic form. I'd highly recommend this one.

Rating: 8 out of 10 

My Review of The Whisper Man (2026)

 

Written by Ben Jacoby And Chase Palmer

Directed by James Ashcroft 

Amanda: "If you're lonely, sad and blue. The Whisper Man will come for you."

My second new streaming movie release in less than a week to watch and it's another disappointment. I almost switched off halfway through but I persevered. Honestly I wouldn't recommend this one at all.

I do like a good detective thriller with a twist and this one on paper sounded good but the results were pure tedium. Adam Scott took centre stage as a grieving novelist Tom Kennedy with his young son, Jake (Acston Luca Porto) as they moved to the hometown of Tom's deceased wife.

They also moved into a rather creepy house where both Jake and Tom talked of imaginary friends. There was also a serial killer back in the 1990s called The Whisper Man, aka Frank Carter (Michael Keaton). Frank of course did get caught by Detective Peter Willis (Robert DeNiro).

Anyways, to get to the point of this episode - Jake went missing and it was revealed that both Peter and Tom were father and son and had an estranged relationship. Peter was working with fellow detective Amanda Beck (Michelle Monaghan) in order to find Jake.

There's some time spent on a serial killer fanatic named Norman Collins (Hamish Linklater). He's creepy enough but not the killer/kidnapper. Nope that's Francis Jr (Owen Carter) and he ended up having the worst kind of family reunion with his infamous father.

Speaking of fathers and sons, everything about Jake, Tom and Peter felt predictable throughout. Peter was absent father because he was a good detective and his only way to make things up for Tom involved getting Jake back. I guess it's up to Tom not to make the same mistakes his father did.

- It was based on Alex North's book of the same name. The Russo brothers are producers on this film.

- The Whisper Man had a creepy rhyme and left messages for his victims families.

- Standout music: R.E.M's Shiny Happy People.

- Chronology: 2026 in Garretton.

The Whisper Man made for a dull and lifeless crime thriller. Even Adam Scott and Robert DeNiro felt like they were bored for the most part. I'd avoid this one to be honest.

Rating: 4 out of 10 

My Review of Lanterns: "The Weenie"

 

Written by Breannah Gibson

Directed by Geeta Vasant Patel

John (re Hal): "The ring's always been mine. That asshole's been keeping it warm."

Lianna: "Then go get it, John Stewart."

Oh boy. This episode really did seem determined to have a wedge between John and Hal and I think it might have succeeded. It's like everyone around them who isn't Kerry seems determined to get the pair of them at odds with one another.

Let's start with Sinestro, huh? He's only given one scene but when he wasn't being cryptic about the Manhunters, he was dripping paranoia into Hal's earlier about John being his replacement. It also worked rather well.

Then there's both Lianna and the Stewarts. If John demonstrated any sympathy or pity for Hal, they were determined to stamp it out. Bernadette, John Sr and Lianna went the extra mile to make John turn on Hal. The quote I selected for this review also came back to bite John.

Hal wasn't best pleased when an encounter with Not Hector Hammond (Jason Manuel Olazabal) had that particular exchange between John and Lianna played back to Hal. On the plus side, this episode almost went out of its way to tell us how wrong everyone else was for wanting Hal to retire. Hal was figuring things out that everyone else wasn't.

For example, he clocked that Hector wasn't Hammond but Gutierrez and he clocked John's lack of emotion when Zoe was blown up. Yeah, Zoe turned out to be a Manhunter and she's definitely not dead. Hal also then left John to crash into a pole. 

Hal might not hate John but he was definitely angered by the latter keeping too many secrets from him. Did Hal maybe overreact in that last scene? Of course he did but it made for a great end to this particular episode.

- John ended up having to draw William naked before he slept with Zoe again. Does William know he failed to kill Zoe?

- I'm hoping the name drop for Hector Hammond means that we'll be seeing him in the finale, if not earlier.

- Kerry really was from Gotham. Hal double checked. Billy also owned the local bar as well as being a lawyer.

- There's a genuinely funny moment in this episode with John telling Hal his Disneyland story. Less funny was what happened to that poor cow.

- Standout music: Wunderhorse's Midas during the closing credits.

- Chronology: 2016 for the whole episode and we're still in Nebraska.

The Weenie provided some answers and raised a lot more questions as it went along. It was also a true test with Hal and John as a team and right now, things are far more tense between the pair. Great ending though and next week's episode looks chaotic.

Rating: 8 out of 10