Written And Directed by Neil LaBute
Edward (to the cult): "THIS IS MURDER! *MURDER!* YOU'LL ALL BE *GUILTY!* AND YOU'RE DOING IT FOR *NOTHING!* KILLING ME WON'T BRING BACK YOUR GODDAMN HONEY!"
Well I watched the original movie and I really enjoyed it. I watched the sequel and found it out. I had to go and watch this American remake and I didn't care for it.
Now I'm generally a fan of Nicolas Cage but I think we can all admit that every now and then he ends up starring in a right stinker or two. This would be one of those stinkers in a row that's he's absolutely miscast in.
Taking on the role of a policeman named Edward Malus, we had our soon to be unlucky protagonist reunite with ex-fiancee Willow Woodward (Kate Beahan). Their daughter, Rowan (Erika Shay Gair) has gone missing in an island of Neo Pagans. They're not a helpful bunch.
In fact, they pretty go out of their way to be as obstructive as humanly possible. The teacher, Sister Rose (Molly Parker) went out of her way to deny Rowan's existence and other characters like Sister Honey (Leelee Sobieski), Dr T.H. Moss (Frances Conroy) and Sister Beech (Diane Delano) aren't any better either.
I mean the movie does play out like the original but it's an American setting, Rowan's the daughter of Edward and the villagers who are predominantly women believe that sacrificing Edward will save their honey. They're led by Sister Summersisle (Ellen Burstyn) and of course she's also Willow's mother and Rowan's grandmother.
Edward never really stood a chance and it did feel like this movie tried to up his suffering before he was burned alive compared to his 1973 counterpart. That doesn't however make this a more compelling version. In fact, it's the exact opposite.
- This film got five Raspberry nominations but managed not to win a single one of them.
- This movie's so bad that even Robin Hardy had his name removed from the credits.
- Standout music: Paescod's Carnival Of Bones.
- Chronology: 2006 in an island off the coast of Washington. Sister Summerisisle's name is a reference to the location in the original movie.
One of the worst remakes, I've ever watched. This version of The Wicker Man was excruciating from start to finish with Nicolas Cage delivering a genuinely awful performance. Just don't bother.
Rating: 3 out of 10
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