Written by Eli Roth And Noah Belson
Directed by Eli Roth
The kids: "I scream, you scream. We all scream for ice cream."
I'll admit that going into this review that I've never watched the 1995 version of this movie. I also knew that going into the 2026 version that it was possibly going to be a movie that I might not enjoy that much. Oddly enough, I thought it was okay.
Eli Roth certainly has a divisive reputation among horror fans and this movie was one that horror fans who are largely neutral on him weren't impressed with. I think there might be a few positives though.
For example, there's a quietly chilling performance from lead Ari Millen. He played the titular character aka Jonathan Smiley. Jonathan was a kind man who got blamed for harming children and had his life ruined. However he was able to team up with a necromancer (Benjamin Byron Davis) in order to get his revenge.
The town of Bayleen Bay bore the brunt of Jonathan's revenge. Giving the kids ice cream brought out their homicidal tendencies and any adult onscreen was subjected to a horrific death. If there's one thing that Eli Roth has perfected as a director, it's a fucking gruesome death. I mean, the deaths are off the scales in terms of brutality.
There's a bunch of kid protagonists including brother and sister duo Jared (Charlie Zeltzer) and Lizzie Mayfair (Sarah Abbott) along with Jared's friends, Tommy (Shiloh O'Reilly) and Mia (Kiori Mirza Waldman). The only ones along with bully turned half decent guy Chris (Dylan Hawco) who didn't eat the ice cream. It was up to them to save the town. It didn't exactly go to plan.
Actually, it went spectacularly wrong. Nearly everyone got slaughtered and it turned out that Jared's grandfather was responsible for Jonathan's life being ruined. In fact, Jonathan was the only true winner in this whole violent saga.
- Apparently this isn't a remake of the 1995 movie. Eli Roth also appeared as the father of Jared and Lizzie.
- The credit sequence played on the theme effectively enough.
- Standout music: Eli Roth's The Ice Cream Song.
- Chronology: Set in the present day in Bayleen Bay.
Maybe I'm feeling a little generous here but I actually didn't hate this version of Ice Cream Man. Some of the kills were genuinely effective and there's a quiet menace to Ari Millen's version of the title character. At best, it's mediocre.
Rating: 6 out of 10
