Written by Sophie Takal And April Wolf
Directed by Sophie Takal
Kris: "You messed with the wrong sisters."
You know the way sometimes the word "woke" can be weaponised as a negative for a piece of media that's usually more diverse? Yeah, I hate when that happens but every once on a while a piece of media somewhat warrants the negativity.
This reboot being one of them. We already got a surprisingly decent remake back in 2006, so was there a need for a version of this horror movie that seemed to be written for the 2010s Tumblr crowd? Apparently so.
Let's get on with this, shall we? To make this movie different but infinity far less interesting than 1974 or 2006, the 2019 version decided that Billy Lens wasn't a compelling enough antagonist to terrorise a bunch of sorority sisters. Nope, a misogynistic cult led by Professor Gelson (Cary Elwes) was the way to go here. That and some dead Hawthorne bloke and possessive goo from a bust.
It's as nonsensical as it sounded with the protagonists in questions being the least compelling ones we've had with this series. There was Riley (Imogen Poots), Kris (Aleyse Shannon), Marty (Lily Donoughue) and Jesse (Brittany O'Grady). Oh and token nice guy, Landon (Caleb Eberhardt).
Alongside Gelson as the ringleader, the frat guys also had the massively antagonistic Brian (Ryan McIntyre), who previously attacked Riley. About halfway through the movie, there's an awfully done sing song about Brian's rapey tendencies by the girls at a Christmas pageant.
Then there's Helena (Madeleine Adams). She's the "traitor" of the group, foolishly misled by the boys into subservience, only to be killed by them. Yeah, the entire film flatlines because the poor handled "men vs. women" commentary that previously didn't do and were ultimately better for not doing.
- The Cult members were giving serious Ghostface vibes but nowhere near as interesting.
- There's a mid credit sequence with Claudette the cat that I'll admit was funny enough.
- Standout music: The Larks Christmas To New Year and Rose Graham Black Christmas.
- Chronology: 2019 Christmas time, with Hawthorne college being the main setting.
I'm going to be brutally, if I never watch this version of Black Christmas again, it'll be a godsend. The movie just straight up sucks, horribly handles it's message with most of the cast barely phoning it in. Just stick to the other versions and give this one a miss.
Rating: 3 out of 10
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