Tuesday, January 16, 2024

My Review of Catwoman (2004)

 


Written by John Brancato And Michael Ferris And John Rogers
Directed by Pitof

Catwoman: "You saved my life, Midnight, but somebody killed me and I've got to find who and why."

If there was a contender for Worst Live Action DC Movie Ever, then yes, it's very likely that Catwoman would be that very movie to bag the accolade. I do my best to give every movie the benefit of the doubt, but woo boy, this one's an out and out stinker.

Halle Berry might one of the most talented actors in Hollywood and at the height of her career when this movie was a thing. On paper, this should've been a surefire winner but it's more of a classic case of everything that could wrong going wrong in such spectacular style.

First of all, the script is pretty awful with some genuinely horrible dialogue, hackneyed comments on personal freedom and being an outcast and on top, Halle Berry was given the most ridiculous looking of costumes for Catwoman ever commited to live action. Oh and fortunately, it's not a version of Selina Kyle she's playing here.

Instead it's a new character called Patience Phillips, a meek designer who discovered that an upcomin beauty product had dangerous effects and was killed because of it. In a lot of ways, this movie heavily borrowed the Batman Returns origins, right down to a cat named Midnight causing Patience to be reborn and to embrace her cat like side.

The movie attempts to explore a mythology about cat women freeing themselves from the confines of society. You've got Frances Conroy as Ophelia Powers, who's there to fill Patience on all the exposition while the latter also dabbled in a bit of petty thieving before being framed as a murderer.

Getting to the villain side of the movie, Sharon Stone had the fairly thankless role as beauty mogul, Laurel Hedare who's not murdered her husband, George (Lambert Wilson) but had no problem framing Catwoman for the crime. Not to mention the use of Beau-line giving her ridiculous strength as well.

As villains go, Laurel's a poor woman's Max Shreck and the fight scenes between her and Catwoman are sorely lacking. There's supporting roles For the likes of Benjamin Bratt as good guy detective, Tom Lone (also a love interest for Patience) while Alex Bornstein does okay as best friend, Sally. Both are inoffensive but not great roles for the respective actors.

- Before this movie was even a thing, there was talks of Michelle Pfeiffer's Catwoman getting a spin off. We see an image of her Selina Kyle in this movie.
- Needless to say this film was nominated for and won several Razzies, which Halle Berry even collected, showing that she could have a laugh about the whole thing.
- Standout music: Misteeq's Scandalous.
- Chronology: Present day I'm assuming here. 

Catwoman was an out and out stinker of a movie with everyone (especially Halle Berry) looking like they'd have rather been anywhere else. Coupled with a horrible script, lame fight sequences and terrible effects, it's no wonder this movie was been so reviled. You can laugh at the sheer ineptitude of the whole thing or do something more productive with your time.

Rating: 2 out of 10

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